had time with the girlfriends on the rainy, cloudy and much chillier day. so many of us are suffering. hurting. facing financial difficulty. facing worry. stressed. feeling loss. having issues with kids. so, i had it at my house. made an event on facebook. bugged people individually so that they would come. one had bailed the last few times. and it has been a long time. so i invited. worked around schedules. and they came. i was compelled to make it pretty and relaxed. candles. flowers. frittata. coffee. tea. yogurt with fruit and granola. the silver. just a little bit of time to be cared for. to be strengthened. to not be "the mama" nor "the caretaker" nor "the provider" nor any other description that means need filler. to come needy. to come hungry. to come ready to pour out hearts, to be heard, to laugh some, to cry some. to have just a little time to be the one in need. to take in the fact that they are loved.
my house? a wreck. pans in the sink. the porch has loads of stuff cluttering it. my kitchen floor needs mopped. smells like dogs. today, wet dogs. my furniture is lived in. my decor is post graduation/pre having time to reorganize. but i carved out a spot. comfy chairs. places to set our drinks and plates. oh, i just remembered....i was going to get out the tv trays! they are so cute. oops. but i was compelled to have them. to minister to them. to pray as people shared. to love. to feed their bodies. they all spend so much time and effort feeding everyone else.
my frittata turned out pretty. i think i'll make it again. my fruit, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries and dried pineapple looked lovely on tarnished silver. the roses were on sale and brightened the dreary day. i did well. i had less than an hour to prepare. it all came together. and hearing their stories. remembering how we are all in this great big world together. as americans, we seem to think that we need our own space, own bedroom, own yard, own everything.but i wonder if god tries to whisper to us that all of that having our own makes us lonely. i love my solitude, but there is a part of me that is horrified that my daughter and i will be living in a 3400 sqft home when it's only two of us. it seems selfish. it seems wrong. it seems like we could take care of so much financial need if we shared. but people look at me like i'm crazy. and i pray for wisdom. i pray for compassion. i pray to use what i have to show love and compassion. i want to be open to being used by god. i want to be open to him answering for my financial needs in ways that i don't have "planned out". i want to be open.
divide the load. break it into pieces. we don't all have to do it all. we don't all have to carry our own everything. we can help one another. we can meal share. i've often thought how nice it would be to have "extended family" mealtimes three times a week....one night each at three different houses. imagine having two nights of a meal prepared and cleaned up a week. wow. that's beyond imagination.
divide the load. carry the emotional crap and let people get past it. when we sit in our own crap it's all we see and smell. we breathe it. we don't see anything else. but when we begin doing life as community, the crap just becomes fertilizer for growing things. relationships. trust. unions. instead, we retreat. we hide in our homes. we hole up until we "get better". but we weren't created to get better that way. yes, this is me the introvert speaking. we were created to rub against other people's lives. to see that everyone has struggles and troubles. it makes us feel more normal and less persecuted.
divide the load. may i say that cleaning is a never ending battle? i think that it would be so fabulous if we took those "extended families" and a couple of times a year spent one day at each house doing the walls and drawers and baseboards and windows. washing the outside of the house. it would make us vulnerable...and it would make us realize that nobody has it together. everybody has their weak spots. their "junk drawers". and in so doing, we would be more real. more genuine. more tender.
divide the load. what if people house shared and some went to work and some cleaned and some cooked. wouldn't it be amazing? you can still have alone time. still read your book. still write. still do the things you need...but you have to learn to communicate. you have to share, but you are also shared with. the load is lighter. no super woman necessary. i am an able woman. i am talented. i am strong. but i bend under the weight of so much responsibility. it is crushing at times. i keep walking. keep hoping. keep letting go of what is not mandatory. but, sometimes, i long for that extended family life. the life of old where everyone is in each others business but also has each others backs.
divide the load. worry is a big issue in today's world. but sometimes just saying what we are worried about out loud does one of two things: provides a solution or gives us a new perspective. sometimes i am amazed by how somebody else has exactly what i need to solve my dilemma. or, other times, after i say my worry aloud, i realize that it's just.....worry.....it's not something that has actually happened. it's simply a "what if?" that i am allowing to consume me. and consume me it will. like an unguarded pastry at a dieters camp. gone. destroyed. worry is evil. it is living without trust. and the only way i know to kill it is with others. god provides others so that we get our eyes off of our worries. he wants us to confess to one another. to talk to one another. to bear one another's burdens. for a good reason. we can't do it all. he didn't make us to do it all. he made us to be his body. to show the world his whole self by working together as effortlessly as a human body does.
i want to be a part of that beauty. i want to see his work. i want to give and change and love fully. i want to release all of the petty crap that sucks up so much time and energy. i want to breathe. and live. and give. and laugh. and enjoy. he gave us all things to enjoy and instead we spend all of our time worrying about what we aren't getting right, what we don't have and how we aren't performing well enough. how sad.
i want to divide the load. but i know that it'll take time. but i see him growing this change of heart in me. and i wonder where it will lead. how exciting it is to live this life adventure.
i was glad to see my friends today. they remind me of what is good and kind and gentle and peaceful in the world. they help to divide the load.
blessings
my house? a wreck. pans in the sink. the porch has loads of stuff cluttering it. my kitchen floor needs mopped. smells like dogs. today, wet dogs. my furniture is lived in. my decor is post graduation/pre having time to reorganize. but i carved out a spot. comfy chairs. places to set our drinks and plates. oh, i just remembered....i was going to get out the tv trays! they are so cute. oops. but i was compelled to have them. to minister to them. to pray as people shared. to love. to feed their bodies. they all spend so much time and effort feeding everyone else.
my frittata turned out pretty. i think i'll make it again. my fruit, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries and dried pineapple looked lovely on tarnished silver. the roses were on sale and brightened the dreary day. i did well. i had less than an hour to prepare. it all came together. and hearing their stories. remembering how we are all in this great big world together. as americans, we seem to think that we need our own space, own bedroom, own yard, own everything.but i wonder if god tries to whisper to us that all of that having our own makes us lonely. i love my solitude, but there is a part of me that is horrified that my daughter and i will be living in a 3400 sqft home when it's only two of us. it seems selfish. it seems wrong. it seems like we could take care of so much financial need if we shared. but people look at me like i'm crazy. and i pray for wisdom. i pray for compassion. i pray to use what i have to show love and compassion. i want to be open to being used by god. i want to be open to him answering for my financial needs in ways that i don't have "planned out". i want to be open.
divide the load. break it into pieces. we don't all have to do it all. we don't all have to carry our own everything. we can help one another. we can meal share. i've often thought how nice it would be to have "extended family" mealtimes three times a week....one night each at three different houses. imagine having two nights of a meal prepared and cleaned up a week. wow. that's beyond imagination.
divide the load. carry the emotional crap and let people get past it. when we sit in our own crap it's all we see and smell. we breathe it. we don't see anything else. but when we begin doing life as community, the crap just becomes fertilizer for growing things. relationships. trust. unions. instead, we retreat. we hide in our homes. we hole up until we "get better". but we weren't created to get better that way. yes, this is me the introvert speaking. we were created to rub against other people's lives. to see that everyone has struggles and troubles. it makes us feel more normal and less persecuted.
divide the load. may i say that cleaning is a never ending battle? i think that it would be so fabulous if we took those "extended families" and a couple of times a year spent one day at each house doing the walls and drawers and baseboards and windows. washing the outside of the house. it would make us vulnerable...and it would make us realize that nobody has it together. everybody has their weak spots. their "junk drawers". and in so doing, we would be more real. more genuine. more tender.
divide the load. what if people house shared and some went to work and some cleaned and some cooked. wouldn't it be amazing? you can still have alone time. still read your book. still write. still do the things you need...but you have to learn to communicate. you have to share, but you are also shared with. the load is lighter. no super woman necessary. i am an able woman. i am talented. i am strong. but i bend under the weight of so much responsibility. it is crushing at times. i keep walking. keep hoping. keep letting go of what is not mandatory. but, sometimes, i long for that extended family life. the life of old where everyone is in each others business but also has each others backs.
divide the load. worry is a big issue in today's world. but sometimes just saying what we are worried about out loud does one of two things: provides a solution or gives us a new perspective. sometimes i am amazed by how somebody else has exactly what i need to solve my dilemma. or, other times, after i say my worry aloud, i realize that it's just.....worry.....it's not something that has actually happened. it's simply a "what if?" that i am allowing to consume me. and consume me it will. like an unguarded pastry at a dieters camp. gone. destroyed. worry is evil. it is living without trust. and the only way i know to kill it is with others. god provides others so that we get our eyes off of our worries. he wants us to confess to one another. to talk to one another. to bear one another's burdens. for a good reason. we can't do it all. he didn't make us to do it all. he made us to be his body. to show the world his whole self by working together as effortlessly as a human body does.
i want to be a part of that beauty. i want to see his work. i want to give and change and love fully. i want to release all of the petty crap that sucks up so much time and energy. i want to breathe. and live. and give. and laugh. and enjoy. he gave us all things to enjoy and instead we spend all of our time worrying about what we aren't getting right, what we don't have and how we aren't performing well enough. how sad.
i want to divide the load. but i know that it'll take time. but i see him growing this change of heart in me. and i wonder where it will lead. how exciting it is to live this life adventure.
i was glad to see my friends today. they remind me of what is good and kind and gentle and peaceful in the world. they help to divide the load.
blessings
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