New Every Morning

God's faithfulness is new every morning.  Renewing body mind and spirit.  Even in my place of feeling like I have been completely misused.  I can face a day knowing that He has good in store.  Not that this pain will be taken away, but that it will be used to create in me something new.  I can trust him for that.
Even if the situation is never new.  Always same old.  And I hate that.  Hate the fact that I struggle with that so often.  Hate that I leave myself in this situation.  That I don't just say enough.  Let me out.  But saying that means so much to so many.  so, while I wait, I strive to grow.  To learn.  To learn what it means to be content.
He told me I'd stay for his money.  That I use him.  I'm sorry that he feels that way about me.  Sorry that he doesn't know me better.  I stay in order to give others a sense of security.  I stay....or actually, let him stay, because I am not hard hearted and callous. 
Is there something in us that deserves to walk in joy?  That needs joy and peace to be fulfilled?  And how do I find it in the every day?  How do I find it in a marriage that I have found to hurt me?  I work through these thoughts and wonder.  I think that a separation time would be good.  Time to grow and learn apart for awhile.  Not condemned nor pushed.  Time to learn what we really think.  What we really feel. 
Every single morning I arise by grace.  My body hurts, my emotions are all over the place, but there is an anchor holding me in the storm.  A firm hand guiding on my shoulder.  A rudder.  I am not lost at sea.  He makes all things new.  He is about new ways.  He provided a new way.  Streams in the desert, paths in the wilderness. Manna from heaven, a cloud by day and fire by night.  Every day.  Able to close mouths of lions.  Able to feed the hungry.  So, I'm thinking that HIS enough is enough for me.  For today.