Trying To Calm

My heart is racing less.  The house is getting quiet.  At some point in life I am going to need to get more regular sleep.  Today I had a nap.  It was glorious.  But it took me time not to worry.  Wondering if I'd be found.  Wondering if I would be called.  Wondering if I was allowed.  My heart and mind race.  Often.  And yet, there's also an underlying calm most of the time.  For life is a marvel.  A true gift.  And I will make it.  And I will enjoy all that this beautiful gift has to offer.  I will settle for nothing less.  Even though life is difficult.  Though I am very imperfect.
I might have cried through part of church, but the whole day was not lost.  And though this part of life pretty much feels sucky, all of life is not lost.  There is a plan.  A way.  A direction.  A light for my feet.  A stronghold.  And while I am weak and weary and troubled.....He is not.  He still sees me.  Even in this invisible time.  And loves me.  Even me.  I don't feel very lovable.  I feel banished.  But He says it's not so.  I cling to Him.  His plan.  But it all seems so hard. 
When will I ever have a time when life is easy?  Never probably.  So I will commit to enjoying every small victory and joy.  I will glory in the moments when my heart calms.  I will be thankful for all that I have and all that I am.  Even teh things I don't much like.  But.....stilll....I'd like to quit shaking.