Here I am at my friend's house. It's nearly nine in the morning and blissfully still. Amazing. My tapping of keys is the only noise in the house. I am swaddled under a massive down comforter and my eyes are actually sleepy. Usually, by now, I would have to be up and about and mostly, I would be headed to the store or some other "errand" in order to avoid the Saturday stress of husband home. I am blessed this morning.
Yet, the stress of knowing that I am going to have to get up and go on with the day still sits here with me. It changes my breathing from peaceful to ragged. I know it. And in knowing, I can learn to change it back.
How many times I have thought of just renting a place or a hotel room just so that I'm not in anyone's way and I am not stuck. I'm tired of driving or sitting in my car or walking stores when I don't want to be.
It's funny to me that as much as I'm happy that I called the Safe Shelter, nobody in positions of counseling/authority, will give advice. For me, at least I have my friends. Some people have nobody. I always am envious of those with mamas to talk to. But I am the envy of many...because I DO have people who care. Who will be my voice if needed. Who stand by me. It's not exactly the same as the mama bear feeling.....but it is HUGE.
Ok. Life is going to begin any minute. Jesus, help me. I am stressed. Know I have to get up. Know I have to get going. But the "hiding out" has been a gift. Has been good. It will have to be enough.
grace to you.
Yet, the stress of knowing that I am going to have to get up and go on with the day still sits here with me. It changes my breathing from peaceful to ragged. I know it. And in knowing, I can learn to change it back.
How many times I have thought of just renting a place or a hotel room just so that I'm not in anyone's way and I am not stuck. I'm tired of driving or sitting in my car or walking stores when I don't want to be.
It's funny to me that as much as I'm happy that I called the Safe Shelter, nobody in positions of counseling/authority, will give advice. For me, at least I have my friends. Some people have nobody. I always am envious of those with mamas to talk to. But I am the envy of many...because I DO have people who care. Who will be my voice if needed. Who stand by me. It's not exactly the same as the mama bear feeling.....but it is HUGE.
Ok. Life is going to begin any minute. Jesus, help me. I am stressed. Know I have to get up. Know I have to get going. But the "hiding out" has been a gift. Has been good. It will have to be enough.
grace to you.
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