at rest

i am at rest after my last post.  it was an email that i sent to my aunt that told me that she would "leave me to god."  that i would have to "go it alone knowing that that side of the family would not support me."  that she was disappointed because i had always been "something to brag about."  she said that we would have to "bury the axe." it was 13 months ago that she said those things.  she also said that i would have to prove myself.  well.  i waited.  it bothered me less and less.  and finally, i knew that i cold write and tell her what i needed to.  and i knew that i could say goodbye and not have my heart wrenched out of my chest.  because i have precious few family members.  and having none of them stand by me has sucked.  royally.  but i could finally see that if a year had gone by and she had never once taken the time to say that she cared or that she was there....then, she wasn't.  and that has to be ok.  and strangely, it is ok.  i am not all broken up about it.  the loss was of a wish...not a reality.  we were close once upon a time.  but not as adults.  sad?  sure.  but actually really proud of myself for standing up for me....and for those others that come along and don't do it "right".
happy sunday!