Socially Awkward

Maybe I'm not really in a good place to be with people.  Perhaps it's simply me that makes people not want to be with me.  I don't mean to be ornery or troublesome...but I am seeing that I am and that I still have a whole lot to work on.  It's hard to need to be with people and need to talk about stuff but also to realize that perhaps I'm not in a good place as far as being nice.  I don't feel mean.  I don't feel like picking on or anything.  I think I'm simply raw.  And being silly helps to bridge that gap when sharing isn't possible.
Weird weekend.
I've had so very much stress.  It often feels discounted by most.  The depth of being without support is lost on people.  The fact that there is nobody for me to say, "please do this with me."  The sense that nobody gets how much it hurts to have been found so lacking in marriage that I was treated as I was....even the parts that are his "fault" don't make me feel better.  I joke about wearing a red D to let people know.  But it feels like it.
And I feel alone still
I was so happy to get together with girlfriends tonight.  My stress level has been sky high.  I guess that I handle it better than it feels like since people don't really notice.
But, I have to learn to be less socially awkward.  I'm not doing very well at conversations nor at being kind.
And people can't cut me slack forever.
I really wish there was someone in the world that I could just go, "help me!" So much data to enter.  I'm not kidding.  It's overwhelming.  I am doing my job like a boss....as far as being with the kids and teaching them.  But this other part is kicking my butt.
I have a definite connection in my life to stress and not being able to interact appropriately.  I need to realize that and be more careful.
Life's all about learning and growing.
blessings.