Fear. Less.

I fear less.  I get overwhelmed.  I get hurt.  I cry.  I get angry.  I struggle.  I find things unfair with this whole divorce thing and the church....but I fear less.  Not just in regard to my ex.  Though, that is huge.  I have less fear.  I know that I can face the struggle and survive.  Weary?  Yes, but still...able.  And that's important.
I went to an event at church tonight that I had thought would be good.  My ex was there.  Saw him early on.  Sitting with someone who was kicked out by his wife.  I could try to say it differently...but I'm not sure how.  She really did it.  But, he ended up making her leave.  She did.  All said and done....he, her husband...is getting loads of sympathy.  My ex is one of them.  He was sitting all cozy with him when I first saw them.  And...he glared at me.  It was odd.  Generally he gives a fake smile.  But the look was not an attempt at nice.  I was glad that it wasn't fake.  But it made me wonder about the change.  Oh well.
I went.  It was worth hearing.  Except for a few parts.  Like how men want to mean something and that they act up if they don't feel like they do...and that women want to feel beautiful and they act up if they don't feel like they are.  Really?  That view of women is odd to me.  I think that they are made in the image of God as well.  Right?  Beauty?  That's what they want?  What about character?  Or kindness?  Or grace?  What about a gentle spirit?  Adventure?  Meaning?  It just felt odd to hear that.  But, I enjoyed his words.  Enjoyed his take on life.  Enjoyed his pointing to Jesus.
Yet, it was still a hard night for me.  It was much longer than I anticipated.  And there were some awkward things.  Actually, it was one of the harder times lately.  But, here I am.  Alive.
I fear less.  Though I'm not always fearless.  My heart races.  My mind wonders.  But, overall, I just do it anyway.
But still....he has sure made it as hard as possible.
blessings.