the best things that i've learned are amazingly simple. supposedly.
how to be me.
i know.
really?
sounds simple.
should be simple.
but i spent over twenty years doing my very best to hold my marriage together.
and being me was never in the equation.
i had to be who he needed.
wanted.
was happy with.
or life was
miserable.
but in the last year and a half, i have done a lot of learning. and part of that learning is just to be me. and to love her. that's hard sometimes. i still see how i fall short of what he expected.
but, yesterday i retook the jung personality test online. and i am becoming more INFP than before. who i am is slowly becoming more firmly embedded. it made me smile. it may be the most "weird", "strange" or "unusual" type, but it's me....and it has its benefits.
studying who i am and how i am has helped. putting words to why i suffered so deeply.
i have a lot to give.
i do give.
and in marriage, i gave and gave and gave.
but what it has taught me is that giving when it's not received just means that the gift has no value to the recipient. it took being out of hard times to find out about balance. to find out how i work.
but without those hard years, i would never have seen so clearly.
those twenty years stressed me. they didn't bring out the best in me. i did good things. good actions. but it wasn't the best of me. of who i am uniquely. it was totally about him. but without those years, i would not have had the kids that push me. teach me. lift me. amaze me.
maybe the best things are born out of pain. of hurt. of endings. not that great things don't come from great marriages too. just saying that good can also come from totally falling apart.
with hope in tow and joy in the heart, all circumstances can become beauty.
the best things in my life aren't things. they are lessons. people. relationships. laughter. tears. genuineness. faithfulness. truth. love. real love.
i have the best things.
but i went through hell to find out what is most important. it wasn't staying in a farce of a marriage. life is much too valuable for that.
blessings.
how to be me.
i know.
really?
sounds simple.
should be simple.
but i spent over twenty years doing my very best to hold my marriage together.
and being me was never in the equation.
i had to be who he needed.
wanted.
was happy with.
or life was
miserable.
but in the last year and a half, i have done a lot of learning. and part of that learning is just to be me. and to love her. that's hard sometimes. i still see how i fall short of what he expected.
but, yesterday i retook the jung personality test online. and i am becoming more INFP than before. who i am is slowly becoming more firmly embedded. it made me smile. it may be the most "weird", "strange" or "unusual" type, but it's me....and it has its benefits.
studying who i am and how i am has helped. putting words to why i suffered so deeply.
i have a lot to give.
i do give.
and in marriage, i gave and gave and gave.
but what it has taught me is that giving when it's not received just means that the gift has no value to the recipient. it took being out of hard times to find out about balance. to find out how i work.
but without those hard years, i would never have seen so clearly.
those twenty years stressed me. they didn't bring out the best in me. i did good things. good actions. but it wasn't the best of me. of who i am uniquely. it was totally about him. but without those years, i would not have had the kids that push me. teach me. lift me. amaze me.
maybe the best things are born out of pain. of hurt. of endings. not that great things don't come from great marriages too. just saying that good can also come from totally falling apart.
with hope in tow and joy in the heart, all circumstances can become beauty.
the best things in my life aren't things. they are lessons. people. relationships. laughter. tears. genuineness. faithfulness. truth. love. real love.
i have the best things.
but i went through hell to find out what is most important. it wasn't staying in a farce of a marriage. life is much too valuable for that.
blessings.
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