Useful

If I'm useful.  If I have a purpose.  If someone needs me.  Then....then, I am shown love. Kinda. But, if it's only because I can do for others...then, is it me that is loved or is it just that the action is needed or desired?  I'm thinking the second.  If I could be any more invisible, I don't know how.  I talk.  I show up.  But how is it that nobody sees me.  Nobody gets the idea that perhaps I have needs.  That maybe things happen to me as well.  I know what it is.  I can take a lot.  I'm tough.  I know how to smile and keep going through just about anything. 
But, boy, life can sure throw me for a loop when I least expect it.  I feel small.  Of very little value.  I am getting these feelings out so that I can go back and remind myself that my feelings aren't reality.  I have value.  But, it's hard to believe.  Feels like my value is in what I have to do. 
Maybe I just need to go to bed. And cry.  So discouraged with who I am.  The great disappointment.