Happiness Looks Great On You

That's what my Dove chocolate wrapper said today. Oh, wait, that is what the wrapper that someone gave me said...no chocolate...only the message.  The best part.  It's so true.  Happiness is like wearing fine silk.  Or beautiful linen.  It's the color in the cheeks.  The health in the bones.  Happiness is strength in the bones.  It bubbles up and bursts out in smiles and laughter.  It puts a spring in step and breath in the lungs.  It gives strength.  And courage.
Happiness looks great on me.
I spent so very long unhappy.  Miserably so.  Horribly so.  Trying.  Forcing myself to do what I ws supposed to do.  Praying to be a better wife.  Praying to actually make him happy.  Praying for peace.  Praying to be someone worthy of being accepted.  Being content.  That was my goal...constantly...to learn to be content with what was.
Trying.
Trying to be.
Trying to be happy.
To be ok with what was.
To...excuse.
To make excuses for him
To be more loving.
To pray more.
To be more like Christ.
To serve more.
MMMiiissserable.
Dying on the inside.
And trying to be happy.
Joyful.
But then.
Finally.
I couldn't do it.
I was beaten.
My happy, smiling, joyful, fun self had been destroyed.
It was so sad.
I was invisible.
I was unheard.
I was shamed.
I was guilted.
I was ridiculed.
I was diminished.
And my being happy didn't matter a bit to him.
He laughed at me when I said that I wanted to be happy.
He told me that it was selfish.
He told me that he hadn't thought that I was beautiful.
He told me I was irresponsible.
He told me I was selfish.
He told me so many things.
But how he treated me was the part that destroyed me.
I was a commitment.
An obligation.
He was a good man because he was keeping his commitment.
But one day, I thought "what if".
And eventually, I found my way back to the living.
I am so very happy.
And I don't succumb to people's crap anymore.
I'm alive.
I'm full of hope.
I'm full of joy.
I'm happy.
Genuinely happy.
And
Happy looks great on me.
I feel so blessed.