my great grandmother

when i was only in college, my great grandmother had dementia.  she had to move in with my grandparents.  she was a kindly old lady. a real southern belle.  she was polite and gentle.  but, dementia is cruel...and sometimes, a stubborn, irritable, mean woman came out.  i had loved being with my great grandma when i was a child.  she was up for adventures and walks.  she read to me.  she told stories.  she listened to me.  she was a lovely lady that i saw once a year or so.  but, she was living with my grandparents.  living where i lived in summertime.  so, between freshman and sophomore year, they told me that when i came home in the summer, they would like to leave her with me for a couple of weeks while they traveled to vancouver, b.c.  ok.  that seemed fine.
it was fine.
but it was different.
she would put on layers of clothes, often with the undergarments on the outside.  she would forget to bathe.  she didn't want me to remind her.  that was hurtful to her.  she still remained enough to remember that she was supposed to be the older one.
she would wake me up at two in the morning thinking that she hadn't eaten breakfast. or dinner. or lunch.  she would eat and go away and come back to eat.
she could still be genteel.  a tiny little woman.  petite.  loved her siamese cat.  loved children.  she had taught kindergarten.  and, in those later years, those children were who she remembered well.  a child would come over some days, even in the end times, for her to read to.
but in our time together, she was far from being the faithful, loving, kind example i had known. she was often more like a petulant toddler.  and i felt awkward.  i was a caretaker.
but.  then.
but then.
but then i changed my mind.
i was not her caretaker.
i was someone who loved her.
she was someone who like adventures.
who needed to get out.
she loved people.
so.
we.
went out to eat.
went to the movies.
went for drives in the mountains.
went bowling...that was kind of too loud for her.....
saw people.
mostly people my age.
i included her.
i decided that life was more than just making sure someone bathes or eats at certain times.  it was about still getting to participate.
and one time we went out with her slip on the outside of her skirt.  she insisted that it was beautiful and right.  and much like when we love a toddler, i decided to focus on what was important.
it was more trouble than going out alone.
i had to move slower.
i had to think about whether we needed a wheelchair or not.
frankly, it was much of what she had to do when i was a small child and she took me on walks through the mountains.  making sure i had a snack and a drink, a jacket and proper clothes.  she never made it seem like a big deal.  so...i didn't either.
i was remembering back on those days, these 25 years later and i was cherishing them.
it reminded me something about myself.  i like helping people thrive.  not just survive.  i like giving them a reason to smile.  a reason to be tired.  i like it.
i'm not so great at cutting their toe nails and such.  though, i will do it.  but i see their spirit.  and i like seeing it soar once more.
not much later, i went away to finish college in texas while my great grandma remained in colorado.  she had been moved to a home environment facility.  she regularly "escaped" when they tried a regular nursing home facility.  she moved where there were children and dogs.  a family.  she thought that they were hers.  and then, she was gone.  she passed away.  and she left me quite rich.
nope.  no pennies.  nor dollars.  she left me memories.   she left me with something that would come back to me a quarter of a century later and show me a little bit more about who i am.
she was beautiful.
i am blessed.
oh, and she left me books of clippings of poems and sayings that were encouraging...and to this day....i love those kinds of things.
blessings.