happiness and courage

this is so true for me.

i spent many years

hearing how 

i didn't need to be happy.

that being happy was selfish.

that happy wasn't

what it was about.

unless he wasn't happy.

because believe me

he wanted to be happy.

to be comfortable.

to have what he needed

for his soul 

and for his self.

but for me, 

it wasn't supposed to be.

and i learned to squish down

what i wanted

what i felt

what i needed.

until i realized that the more i gave, the more he took.

and finally,

courage kicked in.

and learning to see what makes me happy

is a form of that courage.

and not being ashamed of that is part of it too.

blessings.