Still Struggle

I am going to my daughter's choir concert tonight.  I am nervous because my ex is going to be there as well and I have no buffer.  My son is going but is meeting up with his dad to go to a sport's pub to watch the game after the concert...so they will probably sit together.  And I am tired already.  Long day.  Long week.  Just tired.  Lots to do.  And I have to do this thing on my own.  And I already feel cold and uncomfortable.  I can barely tolerate the fake pictures he takes of him and our daughter.  And everyone thinks it's all ok.  Shudder.
Blech.
Being tired is hard.  Because it brings the emotions out.  Harder to be fearless.  Harder to just choose happy when I'm worn out.  When I spend every day mothering...parenting...and he shows up to grab the limelight.  To look the part.
While he does that, I'll be making sure our kids get where they need to, have what they need to, get fed, and even go to the store AGAIN because my daughter has something she needs for her class fiesta tomorrow.
I don't like thinking badly about him. It's a waste of energy.  But I'm worn out.  Hanging on just barely here at the week away from Christmas break time.  Still have shopping to do.  Still need to do a TON of grading and putting into the online gradebook.
I'll make it.  I think.  But I need a few minutes.....now that I've gotten the whining out, I'll take some quiet time and reboot.
blessings.