bath, pudding and wine

kid made dinner.  we ate.  we watched a movie and hung out.  i took a nice, hot bath.  made hot vanilla pudding.  the real kind.  not instant.  hate instant.  poured a glass of wine. turned on hulu.  sitting in the dark in my room.  blankies.  jammies.
a hard day.
not just because there were hard things at work.
but because somehow it brought up that sense of not belonging.
of having nowhere to hear
how was your day
i called just to see how you are
i know you were sad
i'm sorry
you matter
i just wanted to be with you
i remembered again how
that hurts
today i felt punched at work
unappreciated
unseen
by the ones in charge
though, i have to say
fine with my little group
but,
having nowhere to say
nowhere to process
it's a weird alone feeling
not alone
just
not a part
so, here i am
giving myself time to recover from it all
and hoping for a better tomorrow.
having to email with my ex...never helps either.
rest.
i will rest
and pray
and i will remember
to find the sunrises
to love fully
even when i hear the hesitation when i ask for help
or when i sit alone
hurting
i will remember
because who i want to be demands it
blessings.