battle

my daughter and i engaged in a small battle tonight.  it's highly unusual.  we are pretty drama free.  we get along.  but, somehow, tonight, we could not get on the same page.  and both of us were feeling vulnerable and that certainly didn't help the matter.  but, in the end, we spent some heartwrenching, bawling, sharing time.  and...though i didn't like how we got there, the sharing was worth it.  she is struggling.  it's hard to be young and to wish that things were different.  as a matter of fact, it's hard to be my age and to wish that things were different.
she doesn't like how her dad texts her to do things.  we are going to try to work out a better plan.  she feels obligated to do things no matter what.  i feel horribly.  i hate the pressure that the divorce puts on her.  i hate having failed.  hate it.  but it led to a good conversation.  a knowing. common ground.  understanding.  seeing what is healthy and what is not.  it was really hard.  and really good.
i am spent.  worn out.  wrung out.  totally wiped out.
so i'll go to bed.
cried so much.
so very much.
but crying is ok.
and truth is ok.
and sharing is more than ok.
now.  for thursday.
and then friday.
my daughter's 16th birthday.
blessings.