living the good life

i realized this morning that i'm living the good life.  not rich.  not popular.  but a very good life.  a job.  feeling safe at home.  time to enjoy my kids.  the ability to be thankful.  i am learning to savor moments.  really savor them.  i am learning to lean into the harder times.  i am finding joy in the difficulty.  sometimes, i'm so happy, so joyful, so full of hope that i feel uncomfortable!  it feels like maybe there's some reason that i should be wallowing around in the mud of the pain and despair...which are also there.  i ache.  a lot has happened.  a lot is happening.  it's not all sunshine and bon bons.  i have worries and not a soul to share them.  i have wounds that i have to bind, tend to and wait to heal.  i have aches that awaken me and go to bed with me.
and so.
i have trouble figuring out how.
how i am so very.
so very happy.
very joyful.
very thankful.
like a balloon rising.
it doesn't matter what is below or around.
it can still rise.
even if the one it carries is wounded.
and tired.
and unsure.
and lonely.
joy rises.
and lifts.
and shows a new view.
and somehow.
blessedly so.
that is where i am.
He lifted me.

and though i still find myself in times of need.
i'm somehow less a part of that and more a part of a place that sees more.
it's a good place.
i am living the good life.
while living real life.
it is fabulous.
a find that is a treasure.
it's a shame that i have nobody to tell.
because it would only sound weird.
so i am sharing the secret with you!
nothing got nice and sweet and easy,
but i was lifted by joy and hope.
by jesus.
and now, the days are full of good.
because i have changed.
blessigs.