dinner out

four of my kids.  one girlfriend.  a lovely evening out to eat.  it was really good.  but, i found out some things about one of my sons that don't make me proud.  he said things when he was in texas visiting the ex's family over the holidays.  he said that i said some things that i hadn't said.  i had said something like it.  but the way he put it was not too good.  nice.  guess i better not care what they think of me.  and he was being really competitive and a bit of a bully at dinner.  and i realized....he has that same tendency of his dad's family.  the co dependent thing.  he desperately needs to compete...to be better...to prove himself...to be appealing to them...acceptable.  it was a little bit hearbreaking, actually.  as i took a long bath, i reflected on how he has that attribute that his dad has had....being willing to throw someone else under the bus so that he can shine or draw good attention to himself.  even me.  maybe even especially me right now.  because i am easy to make look bad.  my other kids are so different about things.  careful to be wise in their words.  i'm not angry with my son at all.  i am so sorry that his dad has warped him in this manner.  that he has been the kind of father that would help to cause a child to need attention so desperately that he simply will get it by stealing it from everyone else.  the saddest part is that he is smart and witty and able.  he is kind and great with little kids.  but he has always longed for his dad's noticing.  to be lifted up by his dad.  and mostly...his dad has to lift himself up.  the two of them together are sad.  i'll just keep praying for and loving my son.  teaching him that he is my son.  no matter what he does or doesn't do.
so, dinner out was good.  i just wish sometimes that my ex didn't intrude in those ways...by how he has done harm in hearts.
blessings.