helpful

my ex is helpful.  or is seeming to be.  there is a women's event this saturday that i intend to go to.  after a quick check, it turns out that he will be "working" the event on the clean up crew.  it begins before the event is over.  hmmm.  a tad disturbing.  even more....irritating.  i mean, seriously, there are so many things to do in our community, at our church even.  it seems silly that he would be doing this event.
my first thought was to just skip going.  but i keep coming back to what it means not to dwell in fear.  to dwell in love.  to dwell in peace.  to remain steadfast and calm.  i'm not even sure how to do it.  but i know that i can do it.  i have to always think...what do i really WANT to do.  i don't want to force myself to do things that don't matter to me just to prove a point.  i want to allow myself to do things that ARE important to me.  it wasn't exactly shocking to hear that he would be there.  it was disappointing.  it was a sense that i am never allowed to have boundaries or to just expect him to do what would be good for me.  he does what he wants and what makes him feel like he looks good.
you see, the scenario could have gone like this: hey, (name of ex), would you help with the event on saturday?  well, no, because my ex will probably be going to that woman's event and my being there might be awkward.  i'll be glad to help at something the next time though.
instead it's usually more like: let me think what events my ex might be at.  oh, i think that i'll volunteer to be there.
but, as i am more distanced from him, i am healthier and stronger.  for this i am very thankful.
blessings.