Wishing

Wishing as a child is the same thing as dreaming as an adult.  It transfers seamlessly.  But, as a child, our wishes seem so easy.  Like they will appear magically.

That just speaking it would make it happen.  That somehow, beyond our control, things would work out.  And then, as adults, we lose that.  We stuff our dreams deep inside.

And dreams seem to be the things that we are thinking about that are never really going to come true.  That are just "wishful" thinking.  As our childhood fantasies and wishes.  

But, they aren't just wishful thinking.  They require work.  And prayer.  They require change.  And hope.  Happy are those who dream....and are willing to pay the price.  The price is not giving up self.  It is in embracing self and giving up trying to please everyone else.

I am learning that my dreams...the deepest desires of my heart....the secret hopes...are coming true as I let go of everything else.  People don't necessarily like me.  I was glared at today in church...multiple times by the same guy.  And inside, finally....I smiled.  I am free.  I can fly.  I can dream.  I can hope.  I can live.  Not just wishing and hoping for something magical.  Nope.  I believe much more firmly than that.  ANYTHING can happen.  I've seen it come true.  There is nothing that can't change.  Nothing that can't get better.  

My God knew that I had to get rid of fear.  That I had to focus on living.  That I was able to fly only if I quit looking at everyone else.  I had to focus on Him.  On me.  On life.  On living.  On my purpose.  On the dreams I was created to have.  On the place I was planned to have in this world.  Those dreams in my heart are God's plan.  And He will complete it within me.  There is nothing that can stop Him.  He is not discouraged by my place in life.  He's ready to move along.  So am I.

I want to change.  But I also want to live in the now.  Authentically.  Just as I am.  I'm a mess.  Just how it is.  But in realizing that it's fine to be a mess.......I am healing.  I don't have to hurry up or get it right.  I don't have to accomplish certain things.  I don't have to manufacture feelings about my ex.  I can just rest and live where I am and how I am.  

I'm just me.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  And I am acceptable.  Not to others always.  But to God.  To me.  It was really hard to become acceptable to myself.  But, here I am...finally there.  Content to be me.  In all of the ways that matter.  I am me.  Beautiful, unique, wonderful, messy me.  

blessings.