Not over Yet

So, the pass was behind me.  I was feeling pretty giddy.  Filled.  I got a Starbucks in the next town.  Then decided to drive through my first college town.  It would take me thirty minutes longer home, but I have wanted to for years.  To take some time and look around.  To...remember.  To maybe see that young woman I was.  As I came into the river valley, I felt it.  Home.  Peace.  It was lovely.  And when I arrived and drove the streets, I remembered clearly the dreams I've had for years of going back and not being able to find anything.  Turns out, I found so much.  My first dorm.  My first rental house.  My campus.  Restaurants we loved.  The donut shop.  My BSU house.  The park where I would swing and talk with friends about problems and spiritual things.  The McDonald's where my friends arranged my 20th bday party with the children's games and all.  Ahhh.  Then I drove by the house of a good friend.  I slowed.  Wondered if she and her husband still live there.  But couldn't bring myself to knock upon the door.  I think I'll write a letter.  Then, I headed out to make it over the last big pass before dark.  It was pretty non eventful except for the semi in front of me.  He was terrified.  The brakes smoked as he crawled around each curve.  At least this pass had guard rails!  Mostly.  But, I felt his pain and kept back.  Then, forward to a part of the drive that should have been peacefully easy.  A drive that I have done dozens and dozens of times.  Through a huge valley area.  I had nearly a hundred miles to go before I would be back to civilization.  So, I got beef jerky and candy and headed out.  Too late realizing my folly.  My peaceful drive was not to be.  It seems that every RV in the Denver metro area was heading west.  Lights bright.  Hundreds at a time.  A continuous stream.  My eyes ached.  Watching the road was hard enough, watching for deer was quite impossible.  The completely dark sky and surrounding countryside pierced by the unnatural lights of so many vehicles.  On my side there were never more than three of us.  Usually just me.  Going the "wrong" way for the holiday.
I remembered all of the prayers that God has answered before as I pled not only that I would see wildlife before it was too late, but that there simply wouldn't be any. Just one of those approaching vehicles swerving would have wiped out many.  They were all following nose to tail.  I had already had to STOP on a highway for a car that decided to pass a semi when there was a curve.  There was no place for me to go.  The semi was trying to slow down...and not cause an accident behind him...I stopped.  The car clipped in front of the semi just in front of my bumper.  I said, "shit".......a seriously close call with no other choice of where to go.  It reminded me of how precious life is.  Of how I don't have to be in control.  That all I can do is go forward.  Rest in being cared for.  So...I kept going.  At least it was only raining lightly by then!
I pushed toward home.  To the place that I live now.  With my past self whispering in my ear.  Reminding me of happy things.  And...that I would return to those places again.  That there was nobody holding me back anymore.  What a relief.
Two boys off to college this week.  A hugely eventful trip.  I came home bone tired.  I've slept much.  Very much.  Deeply.  I need it.  So much to do.  But right now, I just need to recover.
blessings.