life has changed a lot in the last couple of years. with those that i was the best of friends....of those that i considered like family...i feel overlooked, but i think that i'm just invisible to them. i walked into church today. just to drop something off. and it struck me how totally invisible i am there. i got an obligatory hug from a good friend of the past. most people averted their eyes. my ex was totally in the midst of it all. and i was......nobody.
and.....i didn't care anymore. i'm over it. i'm happy. i get that people do what they need to in order to function.
and...i am going to move along and be happy.
i am going to look for what it takes to be happy.
to live. to grow.
i am going to overcome and be purposeful.
and i'm not going to hang on to those who would walk away.
i haven't been ready or able to let go up til now. though i kept knowing i must. just needed to hang on a bit longer. hope. but, now, i'm ok.
those who turn away WERE my friends. in a different time. those who won't speak to me. those who talk about me when I'm not around. oh well.
i'm appalled at how infrequently i am contacted. by how little anyone asks any deep questions. i am literally shocked. but, it's losing the sting. it's becoming the norm.
an afterthought....."we are.......would you want to come?" only if i show up. i am an outsider. i am not expected. i am out of sight, out of mind. i am a ghost.
and i simply don't care anymore. something happened this weekend. it would be fun to have people to really share with.
but it doesn't happen.
life with friends became my most dreaded thing.....shallow. i despise shallow.
so, i'll just keep living. i'll be me. i'll keep walking.
and in time, i'll move on. life will change again. it always does.
doesn't mean i won't weep. doesn't mean i haven't mourned.
just means that i've learned. people can love and then......need to move out and on. i don't want to hurt or divide.
my ex......there's not a soul here for me to explain it to. but that doesn't mean that there won't be a time and place in life that my story won't matter. in time.
funny....never imagined that even in this that i could be......very happy.
blessings.
and.....i didn't care anymore. i'm over it. i'm happy. i get that people do what they need to in order to function.
and...i am going to move along and be happy.
i am going to look for what it takes to be happy.
to live. to grow.
i am going to overcome and be purposeful.
and i'm not going to hang on to those who would walk away.
i haven't been ready or able to let go up til now. though i kept knowing i must. just needed to hang on a bit longer. hope. but, now, i'm ok.
those who turn away WERE my friends. in a different time. those who won't speak to me. those who talk about me when I'm not around. oh well.
i'm appalled at how infrequently i am contacted. by how little anyone asks any deep questions. i am literally shocked. but, it's losing the sting. it's becoming the norm.
an afterthought....."we are.......would you want to come?" only if i show up. i am an outsider. i am not expected. i am out of sight, out of mind. i am a ghost.
and i simply don't care anymore. something happened this weekend. it would be fun to have people to really share with.
but it doesn't happen.
life with friends became my most dreaded thing.....shallow. i despise shallow.
so, i'll just keep living. i'll be me. i'll keep walking.
and in time, i'll move on. life will change again. it always does.
doesn't mean i won't weep. doesn't mean i haven't mourned.
just means that i've learned. people can love and then......need to move out and on. i don't want to hurt or divide.
my ex......there's not a soul here for me to explain it to. but that doesn't mean that there won't be a time and place in life that my story won't matter. in time.
funny....never imagined that even in this that i could be......very happy.
blessings.
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