money

everyone keeps needing money.  my friends.  house taxes.  groceries.  gas.  my kids...did i say that?  there's graduation. three in college.  phone service just took a big hike.  so much stuff.  and yet.  somehow.  i feel relaxed.  when my son was in need, i just did it.  it was ok.  i have stuff, but god always makes it work at the right time.  so somehow i have changed.
and some would say i'm just being optimistic.  that i'm not realistic.  that i'm irresponsible.  and i put that on myself for awhile this morning.
why aren't you worrying? why aren't you getting freaked out?
and then.
i laughed.
worry.
why?
it all works out somehow.  just at the right time.
every time i try to plan it all out and be on top of every single thing, i still find that there are things that i didn't plan on.  so why do i try to control it?
and why do i feel like it's my obligation to worry?
because of my marriage.
responsible meant that i was supposed to worry.
turn out.
i don't have to.
it's all ok.
somehow.
though i don't have it under control.
god does.
he knows.
he already knew.
makes me smile.
worry has melted.
and though it rises now and again,
mostly,
i just find joy in living.
simply living.
breathing.
loving.
giving.
in being present.
in believing in a huge god
and not that i have to help him
.
money is an amazing thing.
especially as i let go of it.
and the worry of it.
and don't make my decisions based upon it.
but upon what god has for me.
imagine that.
really imagine it.
i'm just a newbie.
god doesn't need me to plan my fiscal life.
he needs me to live the life he made for me.
planned for me.
to do and experience and meet those that he means for me to

life is sweet.
and salty.
i love the journey.
blessings.