choice

i emailed my ex to tell him that his son would be gone...to visit the exes family....next week.  i realized how odd it was that he hadn't made any plans or done any inviting for the entire week.  my son's uncle was asking him on the phone if his dad was going to take off a day or two to do something with him.  hearing my son try to explain how his dad would save those days etc....it was sad.  he feels emotions that he doesn't know how to express.  and, he is going to visit his texas family because he feels badly that they need help.  he wonders why his cousins don't help get work done.  the boy takes on a lot of fixing roles.  as in, trying to hold things together for people.
but i made a choice to offer him the way to go do what he felt a need to do.  i didn't wait for him to ask.  he wouldn't have.  spending money scares him.  he is slowly recovering, but he still has trouble asking for what he wants.
i am so glad that i made the decision to not wait for four more years to divorce.  my kids have needed this time to heal.  time while they are still unmarried and still somewhat dependent.  watching them fill up and feel encouraged has been amazing.  a gift.
and i made a choice.  to spend money that i could use on something else to send my son to visit people who talk badly about me.  i hope that they don't.  because that would wound him.  i hope that they just keep it about him and encouraging him.
hope.
blessings.