Thankful

This year I am ever so thankful.  Most would probably think that this has been my worst year.  In reality, it has been a much better year.  No, not easy by any means.  But, not living trying to hold it all together.  Not responsible for the behavior or choices of another.  And, for the first year in a very long time.......a sense of peace.  Of well being.  Not that it's all settled.  Not that everything is ok.  But that I am able and capable to make decisions.  That, in turn, is helping my kids.  One son particularly is finally relaxing again.  Talking again.  Praying.  Finding HIS way.  I am thankful that God is leading...and that in showing me how to find my way, He is showing how he can lead my kids too.  Back to a real world.  That it doesn't have to be fake "goodness" in order to please Him.  That He takes us right where we are.  I am thankful.  For hope.  For guidance.  For work.  For dreams.  Real dreams.  Real hopes.  And that my faith is growing.  Not in the way that others might measure it.  I don't look like a spiritual giant.  I don't need to.  Because I have a GIANT God who doesn't need me to handle things.  Just trust.  Have faith.  I am thankful for the gift of faith.  I am thankful for writing.  For the ministry it is to my heart.  For the encouragement of all of the people who have read and maybe are reading because they have found a "place" that they don't feel so alone.  For the first time in two DECADES I finally feel like my story is important.  That maybe it can help others to be strong.  To have hope.  I am thankful that I am His beloved.  As horribly hopeless as I can appear, He just keeps holding onto me.  And I am thankful that after 46 years I finally realized that it's not ME having to do the holding on...He's perfectly able.  I am thankful that I have true friends.  Who love me.  Period.  Not "when" not "if" not "because".  For some inexplicable reason.  Just a gift.  I am thankful that I am genuinely thankful and not having to TRY to be thankful.  Not having to TRY to focus on the good things.  Because they are coming back into focus.  I don't live in constant dread every day.  Nor anger.  Nor bitterness.
And I am thankful.  I won't get up at any special services and share how deeply thankful I am.....it wouldn't be appropriate and it might really hurt some people.  But, in my soul, I revel at the goodness the Lord has shown to me.  How He is changing me.  And.....that His love is casting out fear.  I had forgotten how to just let Him love me.  It is good.  Very good.
grace to you.