Waited Too Long

I am learning that I waited too long.  And it makes me sad.  My son is suffering because I was not as available as I am now....and he feels like now is "too late" for helping him in school and things like that.  I am hurting.  He is angry.  He is hurt.  But...he IS talking.  He is saying.  And for that I am thankful.  Though the words are like barbs.  And though it makes me feel like I should have done something sooner.  I allowed things that I should not have.  I did not remain strong and engaged.  I failed him in ways that I can only apologize for but never regain the time.
In trying to hold it together for everyone, I lost out on him feeling secure and cared for.
But I can put the time in now.  I can listen now.  I can do what needed to be done...now.  And I can't beat myself up.  Though I bawled.  And bawled.  Though I ache for him.  He has to also have his responsibility.  He blames me about doing poorly in school....but the fact is that I have other kids doing just fine.  He wants me to be the one to be responsible.  I want him to be the one who takes pride in his own work and requests help when needed  A life skill.  But in the midst of all, I can see how he felt left.  Felt alone.  I get it.
So.  I'm glad he's talking.  I'm glad he got angry.  I'm glad....that I still get to be his mama and try in new ways to reach his sweet heart.
And God's provision for this mama is perfect.  In strength.  In knowledge.  In power.  He has it.  He will make up for every weakness.  Period.
blessings.