The messages for men and women are very different in our culture. Especially in christianity. The message for men seems to be freedom, forgiveness, being able to change. For instance, a seminar is being advertised for men who have sexual struggles called "surfing for god"...the author says that he entitled it that because men who surf for porn on the internet are really looking for god. MM hmm. And when men have an affair, women are encouraged to forgive and be understanding. And whatever the sin, men are allowed to embrace their humanity and simply repent.
Which is true. We are allowed to repent. But not just men.
Women face a different set of standards. Either a slut or a puritan. Labeled. Women who date younger men are called cougars....predators. If a woman has an affair, that can be considered the ultimate offense. A finishing move. If a woman even dresses in the wrong way....based on whomever happens to be watching...she is the CAUSE of the man sinning. Men are allowed to expect that women should be not just more forgiving, but willing to "forget" as well.
It's sad. I am seeing it in social media. It's not that I am so much affected at this point in my life, but I have concerns for my young men who are growing up. Yes, I believe that there is complete forgiveness....but I believe that it's equal for men and women. That the expectation for women shouldn't be so much higher. women are supposed to be pure. And untainted. Unless the man is the one doing the tainting. It's so confusing.
I remained a virgin until I got married. I've had sex with exactly one man. I didn't date, lead on, almost have sex with, get tempted to have sex with, put myself in a compromising position with anyone while I was married....nor since, for that matter. Yet, blame abounds towards me for ending my marriage.
The messages are warped. If a woman sins, she should pay the consequences. If a man sins, a woman should pay the consequences. If a man doesn't give attention or kindness, a woman should be more kind, more loving, more attentive.....again, it must be her fault. If a man "strays" or is tempted to stray, a woman must not have been attentive, kind, admiring enough. She must not be keeping herself up. He certainly is not completely responsible for his own actions. Yet, a woman IS responsible for her own actions. Men seem to be given the benefit of the doubt, an excuse, a way out....while women are held unswervingly accountable.
Surfing for God? Really? Yes, I believe that there is a hole in the heart. I believe it can be filled by God. But what about all of these men that have accepted Jesus into their lives? What are THEY looking for? They are looking for sex. Not love. Not relationship. They are looking to be as selfish as possible in a physical way with a woman. And they are excused. Ministry after ministry. Money spent. But sadly, not to say, "it's time to stop....or at leas to own it...". No, it's more like, "sweetie, we know that you just feel empty and are looking for God and that's why you are doing this to the woman who may be a sex slave for the porn company...to your wife who will never be able to live up to this expectation...to your daughter that is a little heavy and "unattractive". In alcoholics anonymous, their high rate of success is because from to starting gun, they are required to ADMIT and say aloud that they have a problem. Yes, they are empty, yes they are searching. But they have a problem and are going about it wrong.
Why are christian men not held to this standard? I want more for my sons. For their wives. I don't want them ridiculed or kicked out of church. I simply want them to own it when they screw up....and not honey coat it.
I normally don't think about this....it's just something that has been plastered everywhere I look this last week. And I finally realized. This basic attitude was the undoing of my marriage. The church does not hold men accountable for their own actions....they rather go for it with the women and try to teach them how to love the men better so that they will behave better. And the women want to. They want to learn. They want to nurture. And when they fail.....the shame and guilt is immense. I know. I've been there.
I'm not pretty enough. Not wearing nice enough clothes. Not keeping up with the house well enough. Not having sex enough. Or exuberantly enough. Or complimenting enough. Or spending enough dating time. It's......unfair. And it's unkind. And.....it perpetuates abuse as women try so hard to fall in line.
blessings.
Which is true. We are allowed to repent. But not just men.
Women face a different set of standards. Either a slut or a puritan. Labeled. Women who date younger men are called cougars....predators. If a woman has an affair, that can be considered the ultimate offense. A finishing move. If a woman even dresses in the wrong way....based on whomever happens to be watching...she is the CAUSE of the man sinning. Men are allowed to expect that women should be not just more forgiving, but willing to "forget" as well.
It's sad. I am seeing it in social media. It's not that I am so much affected at this point in my life, but I have concerns for my young men who are growing up. Yes, I believe that there is complete forgiveness....but I believe that it's equal for men and women. That the expectation for women shouldn't be so much higher. women are supposed to be pure. And untainted. Unless the man is the one doing the tainting. It's so confusing.
I remained a virgin until I got married. I've had sex with exactly one man. I didn't date, lead on, almost have sex with, get tempted to have sex with, put myself in a compromising position with anyone while I was married....nor since, for that matter. Yet, blame abounds towards me for ending my marriage.
The messages are warped. If a woman sins, she should pay the consequences. If a man sins, a woman should pay the consequences. If a man doesn't give attention or kindness, a woman should be more kind, more loving, more attentive.....again, it must be her fault. If a man "strays" or is tempted to stray, a woman must not have been attentive, kind, admiring enough. She must not be keeping herself up. He certainly is not completely responsible for his own actions. Yet, a woman IS responsible for her own actions. Men seem to be given the benefit of the doubt, an excuse, a way out....while women are held unswervingly accountable.
Surfing for God? Really? Yes, I believe that there is a hole in the heart. I believe it can be filled by God. But what about all of these men that have accepted Jesus into their lives? What are THEY looking for? They are looking for sex. Not love. Not relationship. They are looking to be as selfish as possible in a physical way with a woman. And they are excused. Ministry after ministry. Money spent. But sadly, not to say, "it's time to stop....or at leas to own it...". No, it's more like, "sweetie, we know that you just feel empty and are looking for God and that's why you are doing this to the woman who may be a sex slave for the porn company...to your wife who will never be able to live up to this expectation...to your daughter that is a little heavy and "unattractive". In alcoholics anonymous, their high rate of success is because from to starting gun, they are required to ADMIT and say aloud that they have a problem. Yes, they are empty, yes they are searching. But they have a problem and are going about it wrong.
Why are christian men not held to this standard? I want more for my sons. For their wives. I don't want them ridiculed or kicked out of church. I simply want them to own it when they screw up....and not honey coat it.
I normally don't think about this....it's just something that has been plastered everywhere I look this last week. And I finally realized. This basic attitude was the undoing of my marriage. The church does not hold men accountable for their own actions....they rather go for it with the women and try to teach them how to love the men better so that they will behave better. And the women want to. They want to learn. They want to nurture. And when they fail.....the shame and guilt is immense. I know. I've been there.
I'm not pretty enough. Not wearing nice enough clothes. Not keeping up with the house well enough. Not having sex enough. Or exuberantly enough. Or complimenting enough. Or spending enough dating time. It's......unfair. And it's unkind. And.....it perpetuates abuse as women try so hard to fall in line.
blessings.
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