prayer. it has been my go to since i can ever remember....a small child that didn't just pray at bedtime when told to...i was drawn to jesus very young. a void that only he filled. a relationship. jesus was never a tradition for me. never a religion. he was...a friend. a protector. someone who understood. he was my comforter when i had none.
and these last days.....and longer, of course, but a loooooootttt, these last few days, i have been driven to that child like place. the place of just knowing that i have to trust. that i have to leave what i don't understand and can't fix to the one who already knows. i hurt for my daughter. she is in such a need of friend encouragement. she feels like she is left hanging. part of a group. not without friends. but not with the near and dear friends. she is the one that does the reaching out. i hurt for her because she has lived through a divorce in the last year and a half...with great grace....but nobody seems to reach out to her. the saddest part of all? she feels like she's more "equal" at school than at church. mind you, she has grown up in that church her entire life. but she isn't a part of the "in" group. it's sad. but, not the end of the world.
and then, my third son is still having to learn to cope with the fact that his dad won't make things right with him. won't reach out to him. will invite him to "events" or outings with everyone, but won't spend time with him. and he doesn't want anyone to explain it to his dad. i think there is this place in all of us that just desires for someone to long for us. to want so much to be with us that it matters when they are not and they do something about it. and he's doing all of this and leaving home in a week and a half.
and work has been tough. i'm using my big girl words. speaking up. but, there's this one situation that is going to require careful thought and prayer. i still love my job, but on friday, i actually considered that maybe i'm not good enough to be there. and maybe i'm not. maybe it'll be time to change eventually. but not yet. not today.
and i'm doing my damndest to keep up. laundry. sheets. clothes. towels. floors. bathroom. pick up. dishes. but...i've faltered on any cooking. just couldn't do any more. but this mother's heart prays to be better for my kids. to reach a place where i do what i can to keep them comfortable and feeling valued.
prayer. from a mother's heart. this mother's heart. a child like heart. that trusts so much. though my son is driving to a late movie 30 miles away. maybe it's 20. around a thirty minute drive. with a friend. and i just had to release it. god can carry him. god goes with him. and i can't. besides...even if i did, i can do nothing to keep him safe. well, except for reminding him to be careful.
i ran circles today and got a tremendous amount done. tomorrow i need several hours in my classroom and then it should be....better. i am excited. i am...prayerful. to be and to do what they need. that their hearts will be filled...and healed from last year when they were treated badly. a teacher's heart....it prays just like the mother's heart. for their well being and growth.
folding clothes...cutting veggies...then..................vegging out. i have time.
blessings.
and these last days.....and longer, of course, but a loooooootttt, these last few days, i have been driven to that child like place. the place of just knowing that i have to trust. that i have to leave what i don't understand and can't fix to the one who already knows. i hurt for my daughter. she is in such a need of friend encouragement. she feels like she is left hanging. part of a group. not without friends. but not with the near and dear friends. she is the one that does the reaching out. i hurt for her because she has lived through a divorce in the last year and a half...with great grace....but nobody seems to reach out to her. the saddest part of all? she feels like she's more "equal" at school than at church. mind you, she has grown up in that church her entire life. but she isn't a part of the "in" group. it's sad. but, not the end of the world.
and then, my third son is still having to learn to cope with the fact that his dad won't make things right with him. won't reach out to him. will invite him to "events" or outings with everyone, but won't spend time with him. and he doesn't want anyone to explain it to his dad. i think there is this place in all of us that just desires for someone to long for us. to want so much to be with us that it matters when they are not and they do something about it. and he's doing all of this and leaving home in a week and a half.
and work has been tough. i'm using my big girl words. speaking up. but, there's this one situation that is going to require careful thought and prayer. i still love my job, but on friday, i actually considered that maybe i'm not good enough to be there. and maybe i'm not. maybe it'll be time to change eventually. but not yet. not today.
and i'm doing my damndest to keep up. laundry. sheets. clothes. towels. floors. bathroom. pick up. dishes. but...i've faltered on any cooking. just couldn't do any more. but this mother's heart prays to be better for my kids. to reach a place where i do what i can to keep them comfortable and feeling valued.
prayer. from a mother's heart. this mother's heart. a child like heart. that trusts so much. though my son is driving to a late movie 30 miles away. maybe it's 20. around a thirty minute drive. with a friend. and i just had to release it. god can carry him. god goes with him. and i can't. besides...even if i did, i can do nothing to keep him safe. well, except for reminding him to be careful.
i ran circles today and got a tremendous amount done. tomorrow i need several hours in my classroom and then it should be....better. i am excited. i am...prayerful. to be and to do what they need. that their hearts will be filled...and healed from last year when they were treated badly. a teacher's heart....it prays just like the mother's heart. for their well being and growth.
folding clothes...cutting veggies...then..................vegging out. i have time.
blessings.
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