Free at Last

Freedom comes in all kinds of forms.  God is the author of freedom.  He chose from the beginning of time not to make our lives easier, but to make us able to make choices.  That's pretty amazing.  We don't simply follow along.  We are allowed to think, to choose.  To be free.
And He also gives us spiritual freedom....to not be held captive by sin.
Love that.
And, He is freeing me from the tentacles of mistreatment....of self doubt....of being told that I am not as good as....He is freeing me.  Nope, I haven't gotten divorced.  Ok, if you want to know, technically, I probably have in His eyes.  It is not about the paperwork, it's about the state of a relationship....but, I've filed no paperwork.  But, I am learning to allow Him to heal me and to make me free from the pain and guilt and mostly the overwhelming, continuous battering of my self esteem.  Amazingly....He loves me.  Real love.  My husband says he loves me but every time there's a but.  Or an only if.  A wish that I was somehow more or better or more like....his mother.  I know.  But, we won't go into that.  Because I'm learning that I don't have to live in the shadow of his thoughts.  I don't have to allow him to hurt me...sexually, or emotionally.  And it is............FREEING!!!!  Here it is my 21st anniversary and in my heart I am celebrating letting go....yes, sad, but necessary.
So glad.  So amazed at what God can do even in the midst of so much yuck.
grace to you.