Well, it's kind of a downer to have an anniversary and simply not want to observe it. HOwever, it is better than last year. Last year was pretty hideous.
While it's not pretty or happy, it is at least real. This place where we find ourselves. He hates that I won't fake it. When his brother and nephew and sister in law were here he admitted that he just wanted me to pretend. He doesn't really care about making things better.....just making sure that they look ok. Failure is not an option for him.
Sadly, the failure happened a long time ago. The many times that I said, "let's figure this out. Let's find a better way." He would be the one who cried. He would be the one who told me that I was so bad. But if I ever said any words that weren't encouraging he would use those against me as well. Now I know something...something I should have remembered...I am an encourager. I encouraged him. I am not a flatterer. Only true things. Soo...if he can't hear it it must not matter to him.
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