Tonight, I left my glasses in the bathroom. My phone was across the room. I was walking around in undies" and a t-shirt. And suddenly I remembered how it had been. Clutching my phone to me at night. Afraid. Being startled awake by sounds and wondering if it was him. I remember sleeping in clothes and having my purse, keys and phone right there in case I needed to leave.
That nightmare ended. And I am so relieved. So thankful to sleep in my room...though it be on my tiny cot. I am so happy to have that place. A safe place.
I am not afraid anymore...well, at least mostly. I get to rest when I need to. I get to stay up late when it strikes me.
And in the mornings, I am not watched for when I awake. Nor do I have to dread him coming ot sit on my bed to talk..."talk" always terrified me. Always wound up a fight. And in the end, he would behave as a victim and make me feel like I was supposed to comfort him.
I'm glad to wake up from the nightmare that used to be my life.
And though others will never understand....they have never had to be married to him. He just couldn't love....except himself.
Free.
That nightmare ended. And I am so relieved. So thankful to sleep in my room...though it be on my tiny cot. I am so happy to have that place. A safe place.
I am not afraid anymore...well, at least mostly. I get to rest when I need to. I get to stay up late when it strikes me.
And in the mornings, I am not watched for when I awake. Nor do I have to dread him coming ot sit on my bed to talk..."talk" always terrified me. Always wound up a fight. And in the end, he would behave as a victim and make me feel like I was supposed to comfort him.
I'm glad to wake up from the nightmare that used to be my life.
And though others will never understand....they have never had to be married to him. He just couldn't love....except himself.
Free.
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