the perfect life

Here I am.  I am poised, ready to jump from the high dive.  My heart is pounding.  My mouth is dry.  Everything in me shouts, "just climb back down the ladder!" Fear is as tangible as the ice that dangles from the house on a dark winter's day.  Though the weather is sunny and warm.  My stomach clenches.  I curl my toes.  Tighten my hands into balls.  I take a deep breath.  But it catches part way down.  I have the sensation of suffocating.  Then, I bounce a little.  Close my eyes.  Imagine the possibility of doing it.  Open my eyes.  Stop thinking.  Stop worrying.  Stop.  Am still.  In heart.  In mind.  In body.  And, I jump.  I enter the water not with great flair nor fashion.  I don't win the gold.  I'm not even in a competition.  The water is cool.  I break the surface laughing.  Happy.  Aware of having done something huge.  And from that moment on.....I know that I can do the big things.  That fear is not truth. 
This new job is my high dive.  I have all of those feelings.  But God has blessed me with enough other high dive experiences that I'm ready to jump.  It doesn't make the fear go away....it just allows me to see past it.  To the perfect life He has planned for me.  No, not a life that is perfect.  Just the one that I am created for.  For this time. 
blessings.