Broken Window : Quotes

To believe that we can and must hide the parts of us that are broken, out of fear that others are incapable of loving the parts of us that we cannot love ourselves, is to believe that sunshine is incapable of entering a broken window and warming an empty room. ~ Sandra Kring  ,www.sandrakring.com

God sends people into our lives to warm us.  To bring us back to life.  Yet, sometimes, we have been so trained to hide the brokenness, to act as if everything is ok.....that we cover the windows with paper and hunker down inside in the dark, cold room.  The broken window doesn't show, but the light and warmth can't radiate in either.  I want to remain open.  Vulnerable.  I want to simply be who I am.  It's hard.  I am trained.  I have been through so much.

But I am learning to make my own choices.  And to take responsibility for them.  I am going to be broken over this Christmas thing...but, I also know that I am doing what I choose for the reasons that I choose.  I am not saying that he was fair nor thoughtful.  I'm not saying that how it happened is ok.  But what I am saying is that I choose my kids.  I choose for them to be happy.  To feel free.  To not be conflicted nor torn.  I will let go in order to be sure that they do not feel like pawns.  I won't speak ill of him.  I won't complain.  But.....I will be broken.  And while I won't show it to my kids, I will be honest with those who are adults and able to help me through this time.  A time of decision.  He didn't have the right.  But it's not about rights, it's about relationships.  And he doesn't get that.  He wants to force himself in.  Wants to get his way.  Wants to push me to engage.  Wants me to have to tell the kids no.  But I won't.  Because the kids can be quite happy with a Christmas with their cousins and aunts and uncles.  They can be spoiled and have a wonderful time.  And trying to force "fair" is something I was never able to do with him ever.

He still gets mad that I went on trips without him.  He harbors resentment.  He is getting back at me in his way.  Except he's not.  I'm helping the kids to be able to go.  I'm not going to create resentment nor hurt feelings.  I am not going to be a victim before my kids.  I'm going to laugh and talk and help them think of gifts to buy.  And....plan for how they will do Christmas here with their friends.  It will all work.  In some way.  

I choose peace.  I have no interest in engaging with him about things that could lead to email after email.  I prefer to take what comes and make it as amazing for my kids as possible.  Whatever I get with them is enough.  They like to be with me.  I like to be with them.  It'll be good.

They are worried about Thanksgiving.  Want to have all of the food and all.....I better start planning if I have to do it all by myself.  I don't look forward to letting them down in this.  But we will make it through.  I hope their dad goes to TX over Thanksgiving so that I don't have to share...but, we'll figure that out when the time comes.  

You may be broken too.  But, don't cover it over.  Let it show.  Let the sun in.  Be warmed.  

blessings.