Something Good

Totally unexpected.Without a plan.  Tonight someone asked me about my Christmas.  Talked to me.  Encouraged me somehow to talk.  It's hard for me...because it is difficult to begin and then have to slam the door closed again.  But, tonight, it was such a blessing.  Such a salve to my aching heart.  To be at least heard and perhaps even understood.  To be seen.  To have the gaping hole of my soul bandaged and soothed by the compassion of another.  It matters.  I need it.  I really needed it this week.  And it was good.  It helped.  I could talk for hours.  There's so much in there.  But, what I got was exactly enough.  Perfect.  And really...I had no idea it was coming.  As a matter of fact, I was harumphing at my daughter that I had to get out of the car and wait so that I could drive her around the block.  But God knew my need.  Again.  Always.  And even in the hard things, He makes it possible to make it.
I nearly lost it though...the whole Christmas thing.  I think that I won't really let myself completely lose it until they are gone.  Because....in a deep part....I sense...that when I do....I won't be able to rein it back in.  It's too painful.  What he did was so wrong and plain mean.  Hurtful.  And yet, I know this really cool thing...I responded as I CHOSE.  I made the plan so that all of the kids could be together.  I might not get the Christmas that I dream of, but I will get the desire of my heart for my kids.  This year, I can't have both.  I choose them.  I've had lots of great ones with them.  I can manage this.  Though I am not diminishing the fact that it is HUGE!
But something good happened tonight.  For me.  I was blessed by love acted out in the form of time spent.  Of listening ears.  Of words of compassion.
It has only been five months.  I need to be kind to me.
blessings.