The Reality of LIfe

I make choices.  That is the reality of life.  For years, I made the choice to live with his unloving, unkind and selfish attitudes.  I thought that the Bible condoned that.  I questioned everything...because I had always believed that I would have a great marriage.  No, not a marriage that was status quo....really great.  I know.  Arrogant, right?  But I believed that it's what God had.  That He would do that.  I was willing to work hard, love fully, be forgiving, communicate.  But, I learned, not too far in, that I had married a man who had no real convictions spiritually.  He leaned hard on me.  He prayed with me so that he would feel better about things.  He didn't lead.  He didn't hold up.  He didn't comfort nor encourage.  He didn't hit me.  He didn't leave me.  He did what he wanted as far as activities.  I parented.  I was at home.  And now I see that his severe neglect of emotional needs has affected our family in huge ways.  He didn't ever connect.  Love for him is getting his needs met.  It's money.  It's sex.  But there's no depth.  There's no compassion.  No nurture.  I suffered for a very long time before I decided that it was time to walk away.  But I couldn't do it.  I asked him to leave.  I told him that I needed him to go.  That we needed to be healthy.  That was a long time ago.  But, finally, this last year, I finalized my decision.  I walked away.  I put in the paperwork...all by myself.  I decided....all by myself.  And I am finished.  While I truly hope that he does well and learns how to give from the heart.  To love fully.  To see others and not just himself...even if he does, it won't change my stance.  Because then I would feel like he had done it as he did things for so many years...to win or earn something.  I won't be won.  I will hope his best.  Without me.  I chose.  I choose.
I am going to be ok.  The reality of life is that it doesn't surprise God.
blessings.