Hard for me to believe

I gave the best I have.  The very best.  The amazing kids.  The best kids.  Our kids.  And whether my ex in-laws like me or not....they could at least be kind to my kids.  No matter what.  But, my 18 year old doesn't like his dad very much right now.  He doesn't respect him.  And I had hoped for some healing over this holiday.  But it won't come without pain.  Some kind of closure is what my son needs.  Either that they see each other or don't...but that there is an understanding.  What a travesty that my son is under so much stress. Enough to actually tell me...that is a LOT.  A whole LOT.   Two of his older brothers want to help.  But, being heard in that unhealthy environment is nearly impossible.  Anyone who speaks up becomes the enemy.  I should know.  Without me there, I guess someone had to take the scapegoat position.  Sad.
My kids are amazing.  And though my one son has been troubled.  Has been depressed. He has been healing.  He has been getting better.  Slowly.  And my prayer is that as hard as this is...that he will heal more.  He needs to see who he wants to be...and who he doesn't.
They are being so mean to him.  His uncle says he'll have nothing else to do with him.  The other is ridiculing his college choice.  His grandmother is "disappointed" in him.  And he can be moody.  He can be stubborn.  He can be difficult.  But somehow, he is also very wonderful.  Full of insight.  Full of wanting something better.
This is an important time.  Though awful.  He has to make it through.  And decide who to be.
An...since they are playing favorites with his litle brother again...it's not getting any easier.
But somehow...this is the way through.
Poor son.
And yet...I am realizing how desperately I need this time.  Really need the time.   Desperate.  Like a starving woman.
Still hard for me to believe....how hard would it be to just be nice?  sigh.