It was not just recently that I felt a need for joy peace hope and love. I will always and have always craved that eternal gift. The closeness to the heart of God Himself. Most people seem to think that He is some big boss that demands and criticizes. But I met Him as a child. As only a child can. And He held me close and made life bearable. More than bearable. He made life full of hope. I was joyous. People were always amazed by it. Love was in my heart to give and I was at peace. I didn't worry how thing were going to happen or if they were...He had always been faithful and I guess I was naive in some people's views...but, I just trusted that He would keep on doing so.
And, all of my life, He has.
But my ex changed my focus. Told me I needed to worry more. To be more responsible. To not assume. To behave right. To....change.....so that God could love me better. And with our kids too...perform to be more acceptable.
This year, I am going forward to go back. Forward into God's love and mercy and goodness and kindness. I don't think that He hates me or wants to punish me. I believe that He loves me. Though I struggle with it day to day. Those twenty years of marriage really messed up my sense of trust. Of basic, leaning, joyful, peaceful, hopeful, loving trust.
I intend to refind my heritage.
blessings.
And, all of my life, He has.
But my ex changed my focus. Told me I needed to worry more. To be more responsible. To not assume. To behave right. To....change.....so that God could love me better. And with our kids too...perform to be more acceptable.
This year, I am going forward to go back. Forward into God's love and mercy and goodness and kindness. I don't think that He hates me or wants to punish me. I believe that He loves me. Though I struggle with it day to day. Those twenty years of marriage really messed up my sense of trust. Of basic, leaning, joyful, peaceful, hopeful, loving trust.
I intend to refind my heritage.
blessings.
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