Today, I had as close to a breakdown as I have come to. For real. I lost it with my kids. I have been hurting over all of this Christmas stuff and then the letter in the mail and the change of plans and....I don't know, but I finally broke down. I am ashamed of it. I want to do better than that. There was absolutely nothing I could do...I was pushed in some way that finally toppled me. It hurt. A lot.
Even now, my head is pounding. My heart aches. All day long, I just kept going back to...I can't believe that I was ballistic crazy lady. Wow. It was pretty horrible.
I am glad that it's night. I'm tired. I don't want to get up tomorrow. I want to hide under my covers. No such luck. I have a life to live. But....I am worn out. Totally. Drained.
And tonight I heard that there is to be NO gift exchange in Texas. None. How sorry is that? I mean, draw names? Have a five dollar be creative limit. Give an experience. Do secret santas. But...nothing? Really? My kids had even been figuring out what they would do. On the cheap? Yes, but still, they were willing to figure it out. It's not about the money. It's about the fun. Even white elephants. Oh well. Just means that I gave the best gift to all of them....my great kids....plane tickets....time......and they won't even realize it. The ex will get the credit for being so good to bring them. Blah.
This melt down I had was huge. It made me stop and think about how hurt I have been lately. It's easy to think that I should just deal with some of it on my own. But, what will be appropriate to tell my kids? To let them know? I am not sure. Feel like I've failed them in so many ways already and I really don't want to blow this. Twas a hard hard day.
With good too. Tree getting. Lunch out.
It was just so much. I need a week simply to recover. I am too exhausted emotionally to even really put it to words. Guess I'll work on that another time.
Even now, my head is pounding. My heart aches. All day long, I just kept going back to...I can't believe that I was ballistic crazy lady. Wow. It was pretty horrible.
I am glad that it's night. I'm tired. I don't want to get up tomorrow. I want to hide under my covers. No such luck. I have a life to live. But....I am worn out. Totally. Drained.
And tonight I heard that there is to be NO gift exchange in Texas. None. How sorry is that? I mean, draw names? Have a five dollar be creative limit. Give an experience. Do secret santas. But...nothing? Really? My kids had even been figuring out what they would do. On the cheap? Yes, but still, they were willing to figure it out. It's not about the money. It's about the fun. Even white elephants. Oh well. Just means that I gave the best gift to all of them....my great kids....plane tickets....time......and they won't even realize it. The ex will get the credit for being so good to bring them. Blah.
This melt down I had was huge. It made me stop and think about how hurt I have been lately. It's easy to think that I should just deal with some of it on my own. But, what will be appropriate to tell my kids? To let them know? I am not sure. Feel like I've failed them in so many ways already and I really don't want to blow this. Twas a hard hard day.
With good too. Tree getting. Lunch out.
It was just so much. I need a week simply to recover. I am too exhausted emotionally to even really put it to words. Guess I'll work on that another time.
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