Boundaries

I have the book.  Ha.  And, I am often very good at it.....there is this line, please don't cross it.  But then, there are bullies in the world.  Or people who just take advantage of the fact that I'm willing to give.  Or willing to help.  And if I don't want or am not able to do it in the instance which they are asking, they have this way....you probably have had people do it to you....a way of making me feel as if it's wrong for me to have a boundary.  A place that I reserve for "no".
The thing is that no is not my normal response.  Being free to give, to share, the do for others....that's an awesome trait that I want to cultivate.  But not at the expense of their integrity.  It bothers me when people use the goodness of someone in order to get what they want but don't appreciate.  I don't mean people who don't say thanks.  I mean...people who assume that you will do whatever they want, whenever they want.  I mean people who take and take and take....and never have the inclination to give.  I mean people who have an attitude that they'll talk to you, be with you, give you attention....if they have something to gain or get, but otherwise will pretty much ignore you.  Still, even under those circumstances, I will give to people that I care about.  And I will continue to care.
However.  Yes, but.  There is a time.  A time to say no.  A time to say that something is stressing me.  To let them know that I'm being pushed and that it's hurting me.  To tell them that it's not ok to make me feel small for not meeting their every need or want.  To not want to share or give something that is mine.
In marriage, he would always tell me that everything that was mine was his.  I wasn't allowed boundaries.  I set some.  I did it anyway.  But it created tension.It caused disharmony.  Peace flew.  And I like peace.  So, I gave too many things that hurt me.  I tried to give everything.  I allowed him to break down boundaries that are healthy.  That make me who I am.
I need certain things.  I need time to recoup.  I need quiet.  I need still.  I need to write.  I need to connect.  I need time to speak...I don't find it easy to open up in busyness.  I need away time.  I need time on a beach.  I need a bit of spending money.  Just for fun.  I need to be able to make choices.  I need to laugh.  I need to not worry.  I need to be hopeful.  I need to trust.  I need time to play.  I need time for me.  I need time to explore ideas.  I need to be able to change my mind.
He couldn't except those things.  He pushed those boundaries down.  Told me that they were wrong.  And, honestly, I believed him.  I viewed them as sinful.  As selfish.  I began to see myself as someone who wasn't willing to give everything and therefore that I wasn't living a  holy life.
Pshaw.  Boundaries aren't in me so that others can make me feel guilty.  They are in me so I can be unique.  So that I can fulfill my purpose.  They are a safety net.  They protect my heart.
But, those twenty years did a number on me.  I'm having to relearn the way to say, "that doesn't work for me" or "that is really stressing me out."
I LOVE to give wholeheartedly.  But I'm learning that it's ok to feel uncomfortable with being walked over.
I'm not a rug.
Boundaries.  I got'em.  I'm gonna rock'em.
blessings.