Yes, I am learning to come forward. To stretch out. But...sometimes the air seems too chilly. Or too windy. Sometimes I begin to push outward and realize that I'm not quite ready to break out of that shell yet. And, there are lots of "shells" that I have broken out of....but some that I am just hunkered cozily inside.
Today, I wrote a note to someone who is probably the person I trust most in the world. And yet, I wrote what I couldn't bring myself to tell. It wasn't even a big deal. It just had to do with my opinion. My hope. What I would do if I could choose. And....I stuck it in my pocket and didn't even give her the note. It was about an outing. About how I envision it. But I just felt silly. It's not a fancy dream. Not a big deal. Just my raw feelings. Because lately, I have been more tired than words can tell. My body has hurt. I need rest. I need to unwind. To simply chill. No big agendas on my mind. But, I do big agendas for others still. I will try most anything. Well, not jumping out of a plane. That's just not gonna happen. But adventures call. Just right now the best adventure to me seems to be taking my time. Moving kinda slowly. Staying put.
But another part of who I am demands that I hear what others desire. That I also see about meeting those needs.
I am weird. Different than others.
I have gifts. But, I can see where knowing me is also kind of a bother. I wish sometimes that I was one of those people that everyone wanted to know....that is easy to know and people want to be with. Who aren't so awkward. But, I'm just not. I'm me. With all of the complexities therein. The good news is that I come wired to love fiercely. To be loyal. There are good things. For those who stay and are patient enough for me to come forward.
Yet, still....I've been hurt so much by my marriage. It's very difficult for me to say what I want. Really deep inside. I'm learning first to at least tell myself! ;) There's a start.
Life is good. I am blessed.
blessings on ya.
Today, I wrote a note to someone who is probably the person I trust most in the world. And yet, I wrote what I couldn't bring myself to tell. It wasn't even a big deal. It just had to do with my opinion. My hope. What I would do if I could choose. And....I stuck it in my pocket and didn't even give her the note. It was about an outing. About how I envision it. But I just felt silly. It's not a fancy dream. Not a big deal. Just my raw feelings. Because lately, I have been more tired than words can tell. My body has hurt. I need rest. I need to unwind. To simply chill. No big agendas on my mind. But, I do big agendas for others still. I will try most anything. Well, not jumping out of a plane. That's just not gonna happen. But adventures call. Just right now the best adventure to me seems to be taking my time. Moving kinda slowly. Staying put.
But another part of who I am demands that I hear what others desire. That I also see about meeting those needs.
I am weird. Different than others.
I have gifts. But, I can see where knowing me is also kind of a bother. I wish sometimes that I was one of those people that everyone wanted to know....that is easy to know and people want to be with. Who aren't so awkward. But, I'm just not. I'm me. With all of the complexities therein. The good news is that I come wired to love fiercely. To be loyal. There are good things. For those who stay and are patient enough for me to come forward.
Yet, still....I've been hurt so much by my marriage. It's very difficult for me to say what I want. Really deep inside. I'm learning first to at least tell myself! ;) There's a start.
Life is good. I am blessed.
blessings on ya.
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