Tonight I've needed time to be alone. To write. To ponder. Life gets so hectic. So many voices shouting. It gets difficult to be intentional about what is important to me. School feels competitive right now. Like everyone is striving to do their best..to put on a show....to have the coolest everything. It's easy to get sucked in. But I want to remember that it's not the room. Nor the bulletin boards. Nor the great way that I show things on the board. It's not how adequately I write the plans. It's not making spread sheet after spread sheet...which my team is doing, and I don't even have ONE! Makes me feel like a real loser. Yet....in the quiet. The stillness. The Voice reminds me. It's about relationship. It's about building and encouraging PEOPLE. Numbers and data and all of the rest has a huge place. But it comes behind the building block of relationship. I can't create growth or learning or confidence without trust and caring. Respect is earned.
My own children have taught me so much. Very much. That life doesn't end when we fail to get things done. That sometimes the best moments are the hardest moments. That sometimes I'm wrong and need to say so.
I am having a hard time with this new team at school. One person came in and is bossy and demanding. She is a bit of a bully. I tried to speak with her. She is dismissive. A nice enough person....yet, maybe trying too hard? Not sure. But the stress and tension is wearing on me. I'm going to have to close my door some. Take a breather. I need to take care of my tender heart. Because I need to be there for my students. I need to be able to focus on the important parts of my job. Time to pray. To think. To let my mind go to the places I go to work things out. In the chaos, I don't function. At all.
I'm learning who I am. I'm learning how I am. I need to be respectful of others....but I also need to be respectful of myself. I need not to get lost.
I am a learner. A thinker. A doer. I am someone who passionately believes that genuine encouragement can change lives. That giving true confidence may mean the difference in not only a grade, but in the direction a life takes. My job is to uncover dreams and hopes. My job is to water where others see nothing until something begins to grow. And when it begins to grow, it's my job to cultivate it and show the owner the gift that they have. My job is very little about the data. The data is about my job. I look at the data. I keep it in my mind. But I keep the children in my vision. I keep their best interest in my heart. I advocate for them. I believe in them. I lift them up when they can't see.
Yes, I need blessed alone time. To regroup. To remember who I am. To remember that though I don't make and color code spread sheets, I have a knack for keeping those things in view. I have a gift that I have been failing to see in the midst of all of the hubbub this last week. I have been feeling beaten down. I have nearly cried every day. It's just hard to be with someone who thinks if you aren't like her then you aren't doing your job well. It turns out.....we all have a place. And though she doesn't know it yet, she needs what I can offer to the team. She needs my hope. My encouragement. She needs to know that there are lots of ways to see something and that they can all be valued. She needs to know that no matter what, she is appreciated. Just like my students.
Yes, I believe I am ready to go back to my job. To do it as I am called to do it. Not as some think I should do it.
This job was a gift. And God has a purpose for me there. I want to keep an open heart And mind. To do so, I have to step away sometimes and regroup. That's ok. That's who I am. Someone who needs the quiet. The dark. The still. The calm. The gentle nudge of a friend. I need to be me.
Blessed. Alone. Time.
It has been wonderful.
good night.
My own children have taught me so much. Very much. That life doesn't end when we fail to get things done. That sometimes the best moments are the hardest moments. That sometimes I'm wrong and need to say so.
I am having a hard time with this new team at school. One person came in and is bossy and demanding. She is a bit of a bully. I tried to speak with her. She is dismissive. A nice enough person....yet, maybe trying too hard? Not sure. But the stress and tension is wearing on me. I'm going to have to close my door some. Take a breather. I need to take care of my tender heart. Because I need to be there for my students. I need to be able to focus on the important parts of my job. Time to pray. To think. To let my mind go to the places I go to work things out. In the chaos, I don't function. At all.
I'm learning who I am. I'm learning how I am. I need to be respectful of others....but I also need to be respectful of myself. I need not to get lost.
I am a learner. A thinker. A doer. I am someone who passionately believes that genuine encouragement can change lives. That giving true confidence may mean the difference in not only a grade, but in the direction a life takes. My job is to uncover dreams and hopes. My job is to water where others see nothing until something begins to grow. And when it begins to grow, it's my job to cultivate it and show the owner the gift that they have. My job is very little about the data. The data is about my job. I look at the data. I keep it in my mind. But I keep the children in my vision. I keep their best interest in my heart. I advocate for them. I believe in them. I lift them up when they can't see.
Yes, I need blessed alone time. To regroup. To remember who I am. To remember that though I don't make and color code spread sheets, I have a knack for keeping those things in view. I have a gift that I have been failing to see in the midst of all of the hubbub this last week. I have been feeling beaten down. I have nearly cried every day. It's just hard to be with someone who thinks if you aren't like her then you aren't doing your job well. It turns out.....we all have a place. And though she doesn't know it yet, she needs what I can offer to the team. She needs my hope. My encouragement. She needs to know that there are lots of ways to see something and that they can all be valued. She needs to know that no matter what, she is appreciated. Just like my students.
Yes, I believe I am ready to go back to my job. To do it as I am called to do it. Not as some think I should do it.
This job was a gift. And God has a purpose for me there. I want to keep an open heart And mind. To do so, I have to step away sometimes and regroup. That's ok. That's who I am. Someone who needs the quiet. The dark. The still. The calm. The gentle nudge of a friend. I need to be me.
Blessed. Alone. Time.
It has been wonderful.
good night.
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