front and center

my ex is living in the limelight.  he always has.  hiding in plain sight.  it hurts my heart. but at some point, i got tired of talking about it.  i want people to understand, but they just can't.  today, i actually thought that it would almost be nice to go back to the women's shelter just to have someone who hears me.  who doesn't look at my ex and think what a marvel he is.
the church had an event that they posted pics on facebook....he was in three of the less than a dozen photos.  really.  wow.  it's wearing.  feels like i got to wear the "sinner" button while he gets to be a victim and become even more "popular."
but i see my kids doing better.  and they talk about it.  and they have the space to heal.  and to get back with him as they are comfortable.  and yes, he can make people feel sorry that he doesn't ever get to have his children.  and he can be pathetic.  and he can ask for prayer that his marriage will be healed.  and he can write me and say how he is sorry.  but the thing is....he still lives as a victim and allows for me to be the one to carry the brunt not only of my decisions, but of the things he did/didn't do.
he's still front and center.  even moreso.  everywhere.  all of the time.  but, hey...it is what it is.  i wonder if he's tired of it yet.  i don't think so.  it feeds him.
and today, though i was hurting....i actually felt sorry for him for how he behaves.  he misses out on so much.
life is full.  of relationship.  of beauty.  of love.  of learning.  of joy.  and i am content.  though, i am always amazed at how he manages to spin things.  guess that is why he's a newspaper editor.  knows how to protray things so that people thinks what he wants them to.

i'm glad to be single.
blessings.