growing up

i am learning to grow up.  not old.  not leaving fun behind.  but growing to be professional when the time demands.  growing to be strong when i want to cry.  i am growing to learn that though people may walk away, love doesn't end on my part and that that fact is the cause of much pain in life.  i am growing to see how god is not a part of a religious experience, but of a whole life experience....that he is indeed, life itself.  i am growing up and learning that my words can be spoken.  clearly.  kindly.  forthrightly.  and that they will often be misconstrued.  but that's not my job.  i can only try.  it is up to what is inside of another to choose what to take from me.  how to view me.  what to expect.  what to see.  some people will always see that i'm doing the wrong thing.  even when i'm doing my best to be open and giving my heart.
growing up.
it's rather satisfying.
freeing.
painful.
joyful.
it's a good thing.  i like my life.  even with all of the crap, i've been given an amazing life.
and i am brave.
very brave.  getting another kid ready for college.  making sure the others are covered and able to fend for themselves while i'm gone.  by myself.  with no assistance.  and......wow.....i am able.  woot woot!
tired of feeling sorry.  tired of feeling grief.  it ebbs and flows.  yet.....stays out longer than it used to.
i am growing up.
i'm a little bit proud of that.
blessings.