proud of me....and no one to tell

i have gone through so many papers and pictures and notes and cards.  i have spent time in the closet that for some reason makes me weak in the knees and leaves me wanting to curl up and suck my thumb.  but.  i did it.  i have stored the good memories in there.  the kids' boxes.  my boxes.  i am nearly done.  just nearly.  and have to straighten up my room when that's done.  but i am so very proud of me.
but no one to tell.
i accomplished something that is huge for me.  i have not backed down from one box.  i have not failed to look at one letter.  i have not just tossed the pics aside.  i have faced the memories.  the good and the bad.  i have allowed them to sink in.  and i have remembered truth again.  the truth of the matter is that my ex has a way of looking really good.  and making us feel so bad.  he did it over and over.  and getting to look back just made bells go off.  and made  me see that i'm not crazy.  i didn't over react.
and i was brave.  because he really scared me sometimes.  there were some times that he physically over powered me.  it was when we were supposed to be playing...but he would grab my wrists and get over me and make me completely helpless.  and now i realize....that's not funny.  and it's not kind  and certainly not loving.  but i thought that something was wrong with me.  hmmm.  weird.
and those memories?  that's what they are.  they can't hurt me.  they can help to make me kinder.  more gentle.  more understanding.
but, it is a little sad to accomplish something so big for me and have none to celebrate with.
ah well, still, i did it!! i am doing it!!  and i am proud of me.
blessings.