time

it's time to get it done.  to take the kid to college.  i'm sad.  yet, it's time.  and we both are ready to just do it.  the waiting becomes harder as his friends have one by one left.  and for me, it's like the weight is too heavy  i've had too much to get done.  too many emotions boiling around in my soul.  loss.  pride.  hope.  fear.  while i take him, i'll be leaving my other kids.  including the other one that will be going to college.  and it's hard for me.  i'm asking them to take care of themselves.  they won't have a car.  i grocery shopped.  i made plans.  but i won't be here to be sure it all goes according to all of the inevitable little changes that come up.  so, that doesn't seem very big, but it's another letting go.  it also reminds me a bit that i don't particularly have a church family anymore.  maybe i should have rented a car.  not sure.  i think that it will be alright.  the only thing is if there is an emergency......
it's time because i'm weary of trying to think things through.  for home.  for school.  my students are not ready for a sub.  i am not as organized as i should be with all of that planning either.  my brain just can't wrap around it all right now.
because it's wrapping around too many emotions.  i am sad.  and relieved.  because....it really is time.  my son is more than ready.  we made it.  he's accepted.  he's going.  and i need to get a lot done first.  and then drive far.  and then be prepared that he might not be very nice at the last.  because he'll be needing to break away.
it's time.  and the tired will pass.  and a new normal will come.
now...to get ready for my sub tomorrow.