The house phone rang. It was my husband. Asking if the boys are home. One is. He is really looking for the other one. To apologize that he isn't going to be home until very late again. Other one isn't here. They have cell phones.....easy enough to reach. Didn't ask about our daughter. And I realized that he probably isn't even aware that our other son flies in on monday. Because he didn't think to try to work it out. Or make it possible. Because he doesn't understand about filling people up.
My son that goes to college far away is thoughtful and kind. He is truly a homebody. Being away is hard for him. He does it one day at a time. And a week. And then a month. He really wanted to come home for break. But he understood when it cost so much. He was kind. His roommate had invited him to go home with him....and work ten hour days. For free. He was willing. He was nice about it. But he said....I just got paid. I could pay half. And I looked until I found a way that together we could make it happen. And today he said, "I get to be home a week to fill me up to get me through the last of the semester." It still brings tears to my eyes. Because I'm glad that I am more careful again....that I listen to my own heart and mind.....and that I choose what fills them up. No, one person can't do everything to fill another up. And, to some degree, people are each responsible for finding for themselves what fills them up. But, on the other hand, it is the moments when people make something possible, see our deepest need or hope and fill it....that we feel loved. That we know that we have been noticed and cherished enough to cause a change or an event or a choice by the other person. I heard that from my son. He is so very happy. The end of this week, he was more chipper. More able to focus. Knowing that he was coming home. Not that we do anything grand or anything. Just because it's home. I love that. He's my kid that was happy walking around the yard swinging a stick for hours when he was young. Or jumping on a trampoline....yes, for hours. He doesn't require much. It could make it easy to miss the opportunity to fill him up. Guess that is how I've been in my marriage. Except....I don't think he has ever looked for those moments. To fill me up. Or his kids. He doesn't get it. Doesn't get that people have all different things that make them feel loved. My kids sure do. Totally unique...each one. And it's tricky. But....it's absolutely fulfilling to hit it right. To let them know that I see them. That they are special. Cared for. Understood. Yes, I tell them that I love them all of the time. In many ways. But it's those special moments when I know that I've touched their hearts that I am certain that they have heard me....REALLY heard.
And....it's hard for me to realize that my kids get it and my husband doesn't. That they see me too. And do the same for me. It's back and forth. We care about each other. We show it by doing the things that make the others more comfortable or happier. It blesses me to see them learning it.
Hope that you are getting filled up. That you are doing good self-care. That you are allowing others to see you and pour into your life. And that you are doing the same for others. It's healthy. It's life changing.
blessings
My son that goes to college far away is thoughtful and kind. He is truly a homebody. Being away is hard for him. He does it one day at a time. And a week. And then a month. He really wanted to come home for break. But he understood when it cost so much. He was kind. His roommate had invited him to go home with him....and work ten hour days. For free. He was willing. He was nice about it. But he said....I just got paid. I could pay half. And I looked until I found a way that together we could make it happen. And today he said, "I get to be home a week to fill me up to get me through the last of the semester." It still brings tears to my eyes. Because I'm glad that I am more careful again....that I listen to my own heart and mind.....and that I choose what fills them up. No, one person can't do everything to fill another up. And, to some degree, people are each responsible for finding for themselves what fills them up. But, on the other hand, it is the moments when people make something possible, see our deepest need or hope and fill it....that we feel loved. That we know that we have been noticed and cherished enough to cause a change or an event or a choice by the other person. I heard that from my son. He is so very happy. The end of this week, he was more chipper. More able to focus. Knowing that he was coming home. Not that we do anything grand or anything. Just because it's home. I love that. He's my kid that was happy walking around the yard swinging a stick for hours when he was young. Or jumping on a trampoline....yes, for hours. He doesn't require much. It could make it easy to miss the opportunity to fill him up. Guess that is how I've been in my marriage. Except....I don't think he has ever looked for those moments. To fill me up. Or his kids. He doesn't get it. Doesn't get that people have all different things that make them feel loved. My kids sure do. Totally unique...each one. And it's tricky. But....it's absolutely fulfilling to hit it right. To let them know that I see them. That they are special. Cared for. Understood. Yes, I tell them that I love them all of the time. In many ways. But it's those special moments when I know that I've touched their hearts that I am certain that they have heard me....REALLY heard.
And....it's hard for me to realize that my kids get it and my husband doesn't. That they see me too. And do the same for me. It's back and forth. We care about each other. We show it by doing the things that make the others more comfortable or happier. It blesses me to see them learning it.
Hope that you are getting filled up. That you are doing good self-care. That you are allowing others to see you and pour into your life. And that you are doing the same for others. It's healthy. It's life changing.
blessings
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