I give grace to my kids all of the time. Mercy too. I freely choose to give gifts that are unmerited, unearned. And, I often withhold punishment when it is really due. I tell them what should happen and why I'm doing something else. I love my kids with a fiery passion that I never knew existed. I mean, I've loved people all of my life, but this is intense and deep. But, I love differently than some. I love with the absolute knowledge and constant fact in mind that they do not belong to me. That they are their own and God's. That my job is to help them to fly. Away. From me. That's tough. But, it's good. And right. Because if I love well, we will always be bonded by that. Because their love will mature into more understanding as they grow up. And, if I've let go, they will be able to turn and hold on as much as they choose to instead of constantly feeling like they are trying to get my fingers unwrapped from around them.
So, it's easy to give them grace.
And it's easy to give my friends grace. Because I know them. Like them. Love them. Want their very best. Love to see them smile.
And I am learning to have that grace for myself. A little bit. I didn't make it into the church today. I was going to be alone. And, I just was too overwhelmed by all that has been going on. So, I decided to give myself grace. To come to my quiet home and cook lunch and just be still. To not push myself on this day. I've pushed hard all week.
Yesterday, the hardest thing I heard was from the teacher and the people there....that friends will not remain mutual. I despise that. But I heard what they were saying and why. That there are loyalties. That people are threatened by break ups because they might be contagious. That there are hurts and gossip and difficulty in being loyal to both. I get it. But, it is at the core of why I've had to give myself grace today. Because it is a different kind of grief. These people are more than simply friends. They have been my family. And a part of me wonders....who will stay? with me? And it tears me apart to feel like I am letting them down and somehow making them choose. But this I know...they have lots of friends. They will be ok. And I will too. It's just a painful time. A wondering time. A getting through time. And I can. Because I don't walk alone.
with love. grace.
So, it's easy to give them grace.
And it's easy to give my friends grace. Because I know them. Like them. Love them. Want their very best. Love to see them smile.
And I am learning to have that grace for myself. A little bit. I didn't make it into the church today. I was going to be alone. And, I just was too overwhelmed by all that has been going on. So, I decided to give myself grace. To come to my quiet home and cook lunch and just be still. To not push myself on this day. I've pushed hard all week.
Yesterday, the hardest thing I heard was from the teacher and the people there....that friends will not remain mutual. I despise that. But I heard what they were saying and why. That there are loyalties. That people are threatened by break ups because they might be contagious. That there are hurts and gossip and difficulty in being loyal to both. I get it. But, it is at the core of why I've had to give myself grace today. Because it is a different kind of grief. These people are more than simply friends. They have been my family. And a part of me wonders....who will stay? with me? And it tears me apart to feel like I am letting them down and somehow making them choose. But this I know...they have lots of friends. They will be ok. And I will too. It's just a painful time. A wondering time. A getting through time. And I can. Because I don't walk alone.
with love. grace.
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