Enabler

I enable him to behave badly.  Or to not give a good effort.  Today, I took HIS paperwork to court.  Today, I looked for houses for him to live in.....and found some lovely ones, I might add......and sent him the links.  He was not.....willing to work on that right now.  He's busy.  He wants to play games with the kids tonight.  Let's see....daughter already in bed.  One son getting ready to head to the shower in next half an hour.  Other son....doesn't want to play.  He was supposed to be off by 8....three hours after what he "should" be off.  It's 8:30 now....who knows?  I picked up the son he was going to get and then play chess with.
How come I didn't realize it for so long?  It's not that I mind doing the things, it's that I mind that he uses me.  I guess I'm angry tonight for my son.  I don't have to be.  My son will figure out his own relationship with his dad.  I wish that it could be more meaningful.  But, that's not my job.
It was a hard day for many reasons.  I am already laying down.  I have my purse by the door, my keys in it.  I have my phone by me....it is all part of my routine now.  But, he's sorry.....so that was supposed to make it all better.
But there's this little thing that brings me a smile.....because soon.....very soon....things are going to change.  I might not be able to undo the hurt, but I sure as heck am going to put a lot of time into learning how to enjoy my life again.  How to breathe and relax.  Nearly there......
blessings.