Take Time

There's so much to love about life.  So much loving to do in life.  It's hard sometimes to take the time to realize how beautiful it is to actually have the opportunity to live life.  My life.  Your life.
My dreams always need evaluating.  Particularly now.  How do I give my dreams form and shape?  How do I begin to make them my reality?  I'm not really sure.  But it will be fun to think on it more.  As I heal.  As I come to terms with what has been lost and instead of only mourning that, seeing what new good things are coming up from the ashes.
I get this day.  Today.  To dream.  To hope.  To plan.  AND to act.  If I don't do it, it won't get done.  It's my job to live my life.  To speak my words.  To stand for myself.  And for others.
I am learning not only to say what I need but to stand by that.  It's not easy.  It's easy to let people off of the hook.  It's easy to show compassion.  But, I have to remember to show that compassion to myself as well.
It's time to rethink my life.  It doesn't look like I thought it would.  It isn't fitting neatly into my little box that I made when I got married and began having children.  But though there is heartache, there is this emerging, undeniable, bubbling, hopeful joy.  Huge.  It's as if there are so many possibilities.  So many directions.  So many ways to live it.  And I get to choose.
Today I was wondering if I would spend my days single.  The likelihood is great, I think.  Not that affection and companionship aren't wonderful things.  But somehow, I think that I am going to enjoy getting to choose. Getting to dream.  And....I guess that I thought that I would get to do that married, but I didn't.  And I don't ever want to give up who I am.  I know that you don't HAVE to.  I know that most people wouldn't ask for it....I just...well....I love my kids.  I love my friends.  I kinda think that I could be content.  It's hard going without hugs.  That I know will get harder as my kids grow up and move off.  Nonetheless, I don't want to plan who I am now around the hope of spending my life with someone else.  I love lots of people.  Lots of people love me.  I think that I'll be ok.  As a matter of fact....this little thing is happening in me....I think I'll actually be happy.  And I haven't been deep down happy for a very long time.  Way too long.
grace to you.