No, not karma. Not even "what goes around comes around." No, there's something about the action of doing good that brings healing and good feelings. I love it. It fills me up. Not like the kind of thing where you are trying to earn points or something like that. No, I mean just doing something that helps someone else and how it helps you too....how it calms and fills and comforts.
I have had a rough few days. My grandma passed away on this day....and normally it's no biggie. But this year it is harder. I think because I miss having my mom. I miss having an older, wiser woman in front of me in my family. Now, frankly, my grandma was not nurturing nor comforting. I don't think it's that she died. Though, I do miss her. It's more a sense of loss. Of having lost so much. Of knowing how much more there is to lose.
But although I am not so wonderfully chipper, I am happier. I am feeling like I am getting to a plateau where I'll get to rest a little bit at least. Some time with him away.
Tonight was hard at first. I left the house on my son's first night home because I gave it to his dad. He had told me what night's he was busy...my husband....and how he would try to be home tonight to spend time. He is. They are all still watching movies. I did that already once this weekend, and I just didn't have enough in me to do it again.
But I had a good night. A filling night. A calming night. Once I just let go of the feeling that I "should" be able to handle it That I "should" do it for my kid. I will spend a lot of time with him. I had a couple of hours of one on one today. I'm going to let go of shoulds and just figure out what I can really do.
It's hard. But I'm getting there. A little at a time.
grace to you.
I have had a rough few days. My grandma passed away on this day....and normally it's no biggie. But this year it is harder. I think because I miss having my mom. I miss having an older, wiser woman in front of me in my family. Now, frankly, my grandma was not nurturing nor comforting. I don't think it's that she died. Though, I do miss her. It's more a sense of loss. Of having lost so much. Of knowing how much more there is to lose.
But although I am not so wonderfully chipper, I am happier. I am feeling like I am getting to a plateau where I'll get to rest a little bit at least. Some time with him away.
Tonight was hard at first. I left the house on my son's first night home because I gave it to his dad. He had told me what night's he was busy...my husband....and how he would try to be home tonight to spend time. He is. They are all still watching movies. I did that already once this weekend, and I just didn't have enough in me to do it again.
But I had a good night. A filling night. A calming night. Once I just let go of the feeling that I "should" be able to handle it That I "should" do it for my kid. I will spend a lot of time with him. I had a couple of hours of one on one today. I'm going to let go of shoulds and just figure out what I can really do.
It's hard. But I'm getting there. A little at a time.
grace to you.
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