I've been wondering about how weird I am. How I never seem to know how to do or say the right thing. The social things that come so easily to others seem to evade me. I really do feel like being nice. I can even be quite perceptive. But I don't seem to get it. And, truly, I've been wondering if it's why my ex could never really love me. Maybe the reason that he treated me as he did was that I AM too hard to love. Maybe he was normal and doing his best and I'm just too out there to be loved.
I like seeing people happy. Like seeing their hearts fulfilled. I like finding little things to bring me joy. I am way too easily amused...and thankful. It takes nothing at all. A beautiful cloud. Light shining in streams. Leaves tipped at that certain angle that is simply breathtaking. I think that I bore people. Or irritate.
I'm never going to be the person that others flock to. Well, except or my students. With them, it's some kind of magic. I just get it. I get them. I see them. It's that intuitiveness. It runs deep. It works in that venue. It's not so great in friendships.
I am a communicator. Yet, I have a really hard time with it. It takes me time. It takes someone who is willing and patient.
Right now, I've been having a rough time. Used by a person that I care about. He simply doesn't get the idea that I want to bless him and that he doesn't have to take advantage. That hurts my heart. But when I try to talk about it to anyone, it comes out as criticism or whining. So, I just decided not to talk about it.
I find that in the world I am a catalyst. I can cause things to happen. And then, usually, I am rather unnecessary. I'm learning that that is probably my purpose. I see things. I get things. I understand. I put two together. Or more. And then I need to learn to back away. To walk away gracefully and let the need be filled.
This is a hard lesson, but necessary. Get out of the way, Grace. Move it.
I know that it's going to be time for me to move on in my life soon. Well, in the next few years. And I wonder if I'll be a wanderer. I've always been able to have good friends. I have past ones that are dear. Present ones too. Ones that it has killed me to say goodbye to. But I don't have those that go out of their way to stay in touch with me. To pick up the phone. Write an email. That has always been up to me. To do the "work" of relationship. But, I'm kind of ready to not. If people don't pursue being with you, then they probably don't miss you...and if they don't miss you or feel a void, then, there are others that are meeting what they need better.
At the beach. Looking deep. Grappling with things that God shows me throughout the year during my busy times. Examining. Learning. Praying. Choosing.
Sometimes I totally wish that I was like the people that are easy to love.
blessings.
I like seeing people happy. Like seeing their hearts fulfilled. I like finding little things to bring me joy. I am way too easily amused...and thankful. It takes nothing at all. A beautiful cloud. Light shining in streams. Leaves tipped at that certain angle that is simply breathtaking. I think that I bore people. Or irritate.
I'm never going to be the person that others flock to. Well, except or my students. With them, it's some kind of magic. I just get it. I get them. I see them. It's that intuitiveness. It runs deep. It works in that venue. It's not so great in friendships.
I am a communicator. Yet, I have a really hard time with it. It takes me time. It takes someone who is willing and patient.
Right now, I've been having a rough time. Used by a person that I care about. He simply doesn't get the idea that I want to bless him and that he doesn't have to take advantage. That hurts my heart. But when I try to talk about it to anyone, it comes out as criticism or whining. So, I just decided not to talk about it.
I find that in the world I am a catalyst. I can cause things to happen. And then, usually, I am rather unnecessary. I'm learning that that is probably my purpose. I see things. I get things. I understand. I put two together. Or more. And then I need to learn to back away. To walk away gracefully and let the need be filled.
This is a hard lesson, but necessary. Get out of the way, Grace. Move it.
I know that it's going to be time for me to move on in my life soon. Well, in the next few years. And I wonder if I'll be a wanderer. I've always been able to have good friends. I have past ones that are dear. Present ones too. Ones that it has killed me to say goodbye to. But I don't have those that go out of their way to stay in touch with me. To pick up the phone. Write an email. That has always been up to me. To do the "work" of relationship. But, I'm kind of ready to not. If people don't pursue being with you, then they probably don't miss you...and if they don't miss you or feel a void, then, there are others that are meeting what they need better.
At the beach. Looking deep. Grappling with things that God shows me throughout the year during my busy times. Examining. Learning. Praying. Choosing.
Sometimes I totally wish that I was like the people that are easy to love.
blessings.
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